Has anyone seen my get-up-and-go?

[Dawn of Hope]

I am getting pressure from my mother to resolve the issue about my medical insurance and find out once and for all whether there is an option for me to be on H's. I don't want to talk to him at all, we haven't communicated in almost three months, I don't know if he even has any insurance himself, and given that he clearly told me I should deal with my insurance on my own, I am not inclined to contact him about this. But my mother is being a little pushy, saying I can't let this sitch continue, I _have_ to arrange for insurance because it's not an option for me to leave the possibility open that I might be in an accident or something and if I could even get medical care (since some places get sticky about treating anyone without insurance), she would have to drain down her savings to pay for my care because H wouldn't take responsibility, and if she was going to pay for my insurance (which I don't really want her to do), she needed to know if I could get on H's. I indicated that I'd rather she just let me die, and she got mad and said she was my mother and that wasn't an option. Guess I can't blame her, even though I really am serious about preferring to be dead. I really would prefer not to involve her in this, and I don't want her (or anyone's) charity--I am an adult, after all--but I don't know how to avoid her involvement under the circumstances.

So the question is this...should I break NC and ask H about the possibility of me being on his insurance, despite all of the excellent reasons to stay dark? I don't know if he knows that I can't have pre-existing conditions (like my depression) covered any other way than my being on his insurance (unless I were to get a job with benefits, which isn't likely). Nor do I know if he realizes that I know that if he has insurance, legally I'm entitled to be on it too. I don't plan on discussing any more of this with him than absolutely necessary. What thoughts do you all have on this? Is there any point to contacting him? Anything about this topic that you think I am missing here?

Yes, you should call him. It is business.

I see that people are reading, but not commenting. Does everyone agree with Sara and just feel it's unnecessary to say, "me too"? Does anyone else have any clarifying thoughts on this matter? The floor is now open for comments.

Yesterday I managed to get myself off to church (quite often, my sleep schedule has been too screwed up for me to get there on time, even if the depression is pushed back enough that I can actually go somewhere) and I ended up sticking around all day, helping prepare for the enormous garage sale they hold several times a year. They had me making signs for them, which worked out well (I am a professional calligrapher); I enjoyed it, and they were quite appreciative! It's always nice to be valued. And I spent some time with other people, without pressure, which was very enjoyable. If I can actually get myself out of the house and off to a gathering, I usually enjoy it. It's the getting out of the house that is the big hurdle (gotta love depression).

Some days I have to agree with that old nursery song, "Row, row, row your boat." Remember how it ends? "Life is but a dream." I used to have a lot of nightmares. A LOT. After the bomb, they stopped almost completely. I think it is because my waking life became worse than almost anything my subconscious could come up with.

"For all the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their entrances and their exits..." That Shakespeare really had a handle on things.

Peace,
Dawn