You may be right, she may be DBing me. Neither me nor my friends understand why she wants to maintain a connection after trying so hard to end the M. On the other hand, it is what it is. Any thoughts I have of her are from the past. To me, she now = work. Strange, though, how she seems to keep trying for some sort of connection. It's like she hungers for my understanding.
The woman you imagine sounds great! Where is she?!
Kat - I thought the same thing about the woman in the article thinking fast on her feet. I sure didn't respond that way. I had to stumble upon DB before I started ducking the blows. Of course, she's a writer and may have selectively chosen how to present her response.
As i read the article, I wondered if XW would read it and recognize that I'd done the same thing with her. I know she was aware, at least at one point early on, of what was happening because she asked me why I was so understanding and patient when she was being so horrible.
Yes, kat, we both fought the good fight. I came to realize that I'm too much of a nice guy [read as boring wimp] and that's what I struggle with. Don't want to infect future relationships with poor behavior from the past. But, as the article said repeatedly, you also have to stop and say, "I don't buy it, STBX - this is your stuff to deal with, not the reality of our marriage." I think that's what was best for me to hear - that it wasn't all my fault. If they aren't willing to deal with themselves, that's their problem and I'll never take that on.
You're right, I need to be better about enforcing a routine to get structure back in my day. Might have a couple of job opportunities. One sounds like a great job but would be a huge cut in pay. The other is a self-employment opportunity offering interesting work and many travel opportunities. It seems extremely promising as far as getting money in, but it would have to be developed and there are no guarantees. In other words, I could work my butt off and still not be paid, let alone get benefits.
I'm treading the line and pursuing both options for now, but will have to make a decision at some point. The bad part is that if I pursue the first job, it's in the same organization I was in before and, if hired, I'd lose my severance package. I'd have a job with good benefits, but would lose the equivalent of 3 month's salary. Hard choices! Of course, I can put off the decision and see what else comes up, but it's hard to feel insecure about employment.
