Waiting More Than a Dozen Years

[Jayce]

Wow. SSM is not your problem. Why in the world did you marry this demanding, domineering hypochondriac? Butler, heck. You're one of those drone bees that spend their entire lives feeding the queen bee. You bring her coffee in bed while she shops online before work & while she lounges all day Saturday. Your music sports, hobbies all stored away while she takes over the whole house you're paying for, as you say?? So you learned to be agreeable to avoid conflict as a kid. Chronologically, you're not a kid anymore. What do you get out of this marriage? What does she do for you? Promising you won't threaten to leave isn't the same thing as stating it as a fact. Nor is it the same thing as just hauling off and doing it. She may take you to the cleaners financially, but at least you won't be letting her take any more years of your life.

Meanwhile, as they say, if you can't go to counseling together, go by yourself. Learn about yourself. Figure yourself out. Find out how you relly feel inside. Be honest with yourself. Why have you lived with these conditions for so long? Why have you waited until now to seek advice? This woman has no reason whatsoever to change her behavior or meet your needs in any way. After so many years, why would she believe you intend to take anything away, stop pampering her, insist she respect you? You may not be painted into a corner, but you're in one. I know this isn't the comfort or advice you hoped for. I know it sounds heartless, however, the sitch you describe is more complex than most of us can help you with. Certainly you can share your jouney, vent, rant, and you will get support for your struggle here. You are the only one who can search inside yourself.
Wishing you strength and insight,
Jayce