I am supposed to say OK, because I don't want to say that. I want to continue DB'ing if I can but just not sure what to do next. (Aside from GAL & PMA). What do you make of this?
No, you do not have to tell him okay. Something along the lines of, "H, I hear you think you want a D. My preference would be to work on the M before we make such a huge decision. However, I cannot stop you if you choose to go this path. But it's my preference to work on the M." And leave it at that.
You can't fight it if he really wants it, but you do not have to help him file or feel better about his decision. My H was considering moving out back when we were in the thick of things, and I used the script (above) substituting "move out," instead of D. He ended up moving into another bedroom for an in-house S, and it worked out in the end. I wish I'd thought of it, but the script came from Cherrisher, and I try always to pass it along.
You keep working on you. He was shocked you didn't react poorly; that's a good thing. Anything that doesn't fit in his mental plan will cause him to question his actions little by little.
Living with his buddy will wear on him after a while, especially if you're looking upbeat and okay and happy without him. Even if you're dying on the inside, Act As If. Your life is freaking wonderful...so busy, so interesting, etc. Now, you have to go out and make it so--when this all happened to me, I found free concerts to go to, made new friends (we'd recently moved 2000-miles away and I didn't have any close friends here), joined a writer's group, read stacks and stacks of books, danced in my underwear (H caught me one time as I was dancing, getting ready to go out, and I KNOW he couldn't understand why I wasn't a puddle of unhappy goo)...do you see?
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
