I was supposed to get divorced tomorrow - part 2

[1853dave]

Things might be changing....finally. I noticed over the last few visits that W has been making it a point to make eye contact and say "Hi" to me, and "Bye" to me... Before then it was sporatic - she'd be so focused on the kids that she seemed to not notice me when I'd come into the house. I believe it was innocent, but she must have sensed my dismay at not being greeted. Now, she makes it a point, it seems, to give me a friendly greeting and ask me how I am. Every time, lately. We have been having nice conversations, and she even didn't let the kids interrupt us when they wanted Mom's attention the last few times. Hmmmm....different behavior that I'd seen in many months.

We were talking last night when I came by to drop off the kids again, and I engaged in more conv which she seemed quite interested in. We were talking about running, and she told me she had a long run, and she could feel it. I massaged her calf, which was sticking out towards me, and she let me, and then the other... Eventually, I gave her a shoulder / back massage which sitting on the couch, which she readily accepted. I haven't touched her like that im months...but she was receptive to it now. I used to do this for her a lot, but that was a looooong time ago, it seems.

On Saturday when I was leaving with the kids, she walked me to the door, and I turned to her and told her "Well, have a good afternoon...stay cool!" and, perhaps because I hesitated a moment, and made eye contact, she stepped forward and hugged me. I could NOT believe it! Perhaps she knew I was hoping for one, but the bottom line is I did not ask, I just turned to give her a moment's worth of attention and tell her goodbye, and she leaned in with both arms open. WOW! I did NOT expect that!

Last night when I left, she again walked me to the door, and I didn't want to push things, but it felt ok, so I told her goodbye, etc., and put an arm out, and she responded with a warm, two-armed hug. Not a quick one, either.

The fact that she is responding to my touch is huge. I am going to be careful not to lay it on too heavily, but by keeping it friendly and "available" maybe she won't feel overwhelmed by it. I think I have finally made some headway, and I don't want to lose any ground now!

I'm excited by the change I am finally seeing. I hope the trend contimues. I am meeting with my DB counselor for some more planning and a check-in on Thursday. She sounds very optomistic about these latest changes. She believes that the space I am giving her, the cheerfulness and patience I have been exhibiting, are all contributing favorably.

I sense some diminished avoidance, and some trust being reestablished by my W. These were two of my goals, and she seems to be softening. I guess it just takes time for her to see it and believe it.