Feeling like I don't want to spend any more of my time waiting for H to realize what he's lost. Three years is a long time to wait for anyone, let alone a spouse who cheated and then left you for someone else. Then to add insult to injury, after that relationship fails, for him to still not want to come back...
I keep thinking of the words we exchanged immediately after I discovered his A. How he blamed me and actually cursed at ME, as if it were all my fault. How I tried to get through to him when I suspected he was having an A and how he made me feel ashamed for accusing him. How he lied to me and treated me like a stranger, having no concern for me or our kids after he left. How could I want this person back?
I know that I need to change my mindset and stop thinking of this time as waiting for my H to come home. A lot more work still needs to be done on myself. I know what needs to be done but can't seem to bring myself to do it. Stuck feeling humiliated and done wrong (what's the word for that?).
Also not sure how to be around H now that he's not with ow anymore. Available? Friendly? Less available? Make him miss me? Feel the loss? Does he need to pursue me again instead of knowing I'm waiting for him? (I say I don't want him, but all I can think of is how I can get him back.)
Need another vacation - hardly thought of H at all while I was away. Now that I'm back, it's all I can think about.
