I haven't posted too much over the past few days since H has been out of town, and there's not much new going on in my situation, and just trying to get ready for the baby and eat as much of my parents' food as they're willing to share
I did talk to H the other night, and the convo was a little different...
Me: I really want to pick up a six-pack of 802 on the way home from the hospital. I can't wait to be able to enjoy a beer again. H: I can pick that up for you. Me: That's really sweet of you. H: I'm a nice guy. <crickets chirping. I think I laugh nervously.> H: Well, for a douchebag.
I can't remember what I said - it definitely wasn't "You're not a douchebag" But I should have said that the first step of douchebag recovery was admitting it!
Also, we were discussing his upcoming ETS out of the national guard, and I said that it was a good experience for him for a while, but obviously the stress placed on him on top of his civilian life was too much for him. He said "Yeah, I think my schedule is a big reason why things are the way they are right now." Um, yeah? You mean it's not because marriage is crap?
So, maybe he's actually been thinking? Not that I care or anything
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
No, baby is staying put for now. Maybe I'm not doing enough - taking too many naps, putting my feet up too much - I guess I should be doing some jumping jacks and hayrack rides Not too hot where I'm at today - not even going to hit 80 - but I do need a cold beer anyday
I am kind of a beer snob, but the best beer I ever had was a Miller Lite - we visited some of H's family down in Oklahoma, and they are all southern baptists... We were hanging out at this river camp property that the family members owned, and it was soooo hot and humid. After most of the family had checked in for the night, one of the uncles brought out some ice cold miller lite, and that tasted better than water.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
Mach, if that was even an option, I don't think I'd even have the energy.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
One more centimeter since last week... I might be having this baby soon!
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
My family came over and helped clean my house and get things baby-ready. Everything looks really nice now - my mom is pretty anal-retentive about cleaning and I'm not, so I really appreciate her help!
And my brother-in-law brought over a toddler bed too, for DD.
H is a bit frustrating - he's been "home" since Thursday evening, and the only time he's spent with DD was about four hours on Friday morning/afternoon. He's too tired at the end of the work day to come over. His back hurts too much.
Never mind that I spent the whole day chasing DD around a baby shower, and could have used the break, even if it was him coming over and playing with her for 45 minutes and putting her to bed. And as for backs hurting? I'm 9 months pregnant.
And he didn't come over tonight because he wants to go out with friends, and he wants me to wake up extra early to take DD over to my mom's house, and he'll pick her up from there later in the morning so he can sleep in.
He is still having trouble sleeping. I bet if he were sleeping in bed with me, all snuggled up the way we used to, he would be sleeping like a baby.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
And, I know he's only been back in town for a few days, but he's walking a thin line as far as support goes... He tells me he was overpaid at work and they will probably just take it little by little from future paychecks, but he still only can give me $200.00 right now.
His "tab" is almost up to $1200.00.
I need at least $600.00 for his half of the mortgage.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
And, I know he's only been back in town for a few days, but he's walking a thin line as far as support goes... He tells me he was overpaid at work and they will probably just take it little by little from future paychecks, but he still only can give me $200.00 right now.
His "tab" is almost up to $1200.00.
I need at least $600.00 for his half of the mortgage.
Don't be afraid to seperate the business end of this if you need to...
Or in your case right now.....HAVE to.....
That reality stick they get hit with will spin them, but entirely neccessary for YOU...
I'm starting to see why some women get desperate enough to drink castor oil.
I think I might be calling a lawyer today, just to get the ball rolling on support. Getting a guaranteed $800 or so a month is better than getting $200 here and there - whatever he can "afford" after "his" bills are paid.
I've been more than accommodating with this separation. I've been polite, pleasant, and charitable. I bought him a $450 couch using my account at a local furniture store on Friday because he wanted a couch so bad. I haven't held up the mirror to him - I haven't told him that he's being a craptastic father. I haven't told him that there's an expiration date on this - perhaps he should have taken the chance that we would hate each other in ten more years after being married (not likely) rather than risking that I hate him now for the loser that he is becoming.
It's like nobody exists outside of him right now - nobody else has thoughts, feelings, is ever inconvenienced, has aches and pains, loses sleep. He'll say his most important priority is DD, but what he does with her is so that he feels good about himself.
This weekend, I chased DD around on the floor of our house (hoping that might jostle the baby loose!) and she would run up to me, put her arms around me, and say "I love you Mom!"
Those are the important moments, not the trips to the zoo, not going to the park and playing until she's exhausted so that he can put her to bed and sneak out so that she doesn't cry and he doesn't have to feel bad about himself.
He doesn't want anybody to really know we're separated because he doesn't want anybody to think badly of him. He doesn't want consequences.
Last edited by dmk127; 08/03/0903:01 PM.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
