Hey, Smiley - just out of curiosity, which coast are you on? If you happen to be, say, about 1.5 hours north of Los Angeles, I might like a referral to your fab MC.
Thanks,
Dia
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
It's diffy, isn't it, because you don't want to seem to kick it back in her teeth. She's (it sounds like, if she's unilaterally revealing interior dialogue) sitting down to at least a crow appetizer here. OTOH, there's the whole "don't scare the deer" aspect, too.
My gut feeling would be, respond (to the best of your ability) as you would to a friend, not a lover/spouse. Not by return of post (how archaic), either. Let her wait for a bit.
I never have seen any percentage in being overly-reticent about your feelings, even in relationship terms, if she's the one fishing. It's the whole-hog gushers/guilt trips/desperate-negotiations-as-if-with-God convos that drive WAS away. IMHO, anyhow.
Is it possible to be DarkFriendy?
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
Dia -- would that be 1.5 air-hours or 1.5 road-hours (in which case, one could be IN the city of angels LOL!). The old rock group America had a song about the highway that I regularly use. I would be nearish to the namesake of that highway. And for the record I don't know that MC IS Fabulous. WAW's divorce attorney says so. I've only had the 2 hours, so I'm reserving judgment.
@Kett -- yes, DarklyFriendy is what I'm shooting for. I'd link to the "friendy" discussion for the newbies, but that's waaaayyy back on Smiley's Person's thread 5 or so. And I can't find the bloody thing LOL!
I know the place of which you speak. I have been considering expanding my apartment hunt to there if I can't find someplace affordable a bit further north in the Land of eternal Summer. In the 80's, there was a famous soap opera/tv series named after the particular coastal city I'm thinking of.
I've seen some affordable places in the area where the big (and fatal) mudslide happened about 2 years ago, but I don't think I could sleep at night living there.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
You both are so cryptic about locations (old spycraft at work?). For today's Geo Quiz I live in a (relatively) large city located on an North American inlet explored by and named for Captain James Cook in 1778.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
but revealing information. "Revealing" defined broadly, by the way. As in, revealing things about her personal life, her interior dialog, etc.
The reality of separation SP is often lonlier than what you expect. You mention how you sometimes cant get out of bed when home alone.
Mrs SP will feel the same emptiness but sprinkled with guilt and as she knows a dog will come when you call it ,so she calls. ( Perfect coach ) .
Try being a cat SP. Dont respond. Dont make this separation easier for her. Let her live with her choices. If you are always there does she feel lonley - I wouldn't.
I know what you mean about the kids being disappointed but the child was having a party. He would not of been disappointed for long and he has a lot of disappointments looming having divorced parents. You cant protect him from them all. What if you ahd not of saved Mrs SP. She would of had to of faced consequenses of upset son. sShe would of felt some pain in that. Others would of seen .Lesson may of been learnt but no SP to the rescue again.
Detach detach detach. If you dont and she finds a new man and he gets called to go buy the cake YOU SP will be the one that is hurt. I think you stand a better chance of saving the marriage if you stand back.
When I'd feel rejected, I'd treat that person like a cat. Instead of me feeling all bad about me, I'd let it go. If the cat wanted to come around, that was fine because I liked the cat. If the cat didn't. Fine again. Cat's choice. Decision in the cat's corner.
People know what the truth is, Smiles. Those who matter know you are a great dad. Let me repeat. They know you are a good dad. And even if they didn't, you know that within.
Here's another take on your wife's inability to ask and your need to rescue (and maintain her dependence and resulting unaccountability for her actions based on your 'mind reading'). Are either of these traits something you want your children to learn? Children model after their parents.
This is pretty basic. It's a N.U.T. I'm more than happy to let WAW go off on her own and fail. More than happy to let her get screwed (over) by Signore Schmuckatelli.
BUT
I am NOT going to let her fail when my son is the one who winds up with the tab.
My children - to the maximum extent it is within my control - are not going to pay the freight for WAW's decision to Walk.
Not, at any rate, when it's something like a birthday. She forgets a dentist's appointment, that's one thing. She picks them up late and makes them upset, that's one thing.
But when the emotional balance of a child who is struggling mightily - and nearly unsuccessfully - to cope with these changes is at stake? No. That's something else entirely, and I'll rescue her every day of the week and twice on Sunday for his sake.
If that means I'm a failure at DB'ing or that WAW gets to cake-eat or get off easily or whatever - SO BE IT. Sorry. That's just the way it's got to be. End of discussion.
