Still Wondering How To Handle Things!!

[mishka422]

It's pouring here...I'll try to send some of it your way so you can get out of the mowing!

[kissak]

but I really need to mow!!!

[kissak]

well, I didnt get to mow yesterday....my air compressor was broken so I called my H to see if he knew how I could fix it. He offered to come over and look at it for me. He stayed about an hour and then it rained and I couldnt mow anyway. He went to buy some parts for it last night.

He has asked about coming over to finish fixing it today. Said he really has nothing else to do....maybe I should take advantage and get him to mow the yard for me! lol

I have to pack my daughter up for camp today. She is leavin in the morning. She is excited to go, but sad that she will miss my bday on Thursday...and her cat's bday

[Sanderika]

Hi kissak.....

I started my second job this week and it was a challenge and then we had lots of thunderstorms that kept knocking our cable out so I have'nt been able to post for the past week.

Thought I would drop by.....

Did H show up with the parts and fix the mower?

If so, did you suggest or did he volunteer to mow the lawn?

I hope he volunteered to mow.

I am curious how the weekend went for you.

I love it that he wants to help you. It means he cares and wants to take some responsibility. He isn't a poop all the time.
I am sure he doesn't have anything better to do, with that being said....he wouldn't help you if he didn't want to.

I think it's a good thing!!!

With your daughter at camp all week, you can spoil your son. Do you have any special plans for just the two of you? I hope your daughter has a wonderful time.

OH, yeah.....how's the sunburn? Probably itching by now, it's hard to say what's worse the pain or the itch when it heals.

Take care,

Sanderika

[kissak]

Funny Sanderika....I just started with the itching today! But I think I can put up with it...at least it isnt as painful!

H did come over to fix the air compressor, he didnt mow though....it rained. But I think he would have.

He acts so strangely sometimes. He calls me, wants to know what Im doing, the last few days he has been bugging me about...well wanting to be intimate. I explained to him that I just cant do that. I put my heart in it and he doesnt...he of course wanted me to explain...basically we got into a discussion about it. I know I surprised him...he said I did. He said he had a gut feeling that I was not telling him somthing?? idk....then we somehow got on the discussion about him missing me so much when I was gone last weekend...he said he just cares about me and is compassionate and all that....He of course blew it off that he wasnt meaning anything by it, he just cares about me.

TOday we took my daughter to get on the bus for camp...H meet us there...when we left he took our son to get some breakfast then came back to my house and actually sat down for a short while....I know he is just needing some and that is the only reason he sat around...of course he didnt get it! I just cant get it through his head that I dont wanna have sex with him when He doesnt love me...well, he loves me he just isnt IN love with me...ugh! Now I know how he could cheat on me without it ever bothering him.

Anyway, he called me after church, dont know why...I told him I was going to see my dad, havent seen him in a while, then he started getting whiney and I called him on it....ever since he has been kinda quiet today. He is in a mood. Guess cuz he is lonely...oh well.

I havent decided what to do with my son this week. I wanna do something for him. My bday is on Thursday so I thought I would do something with him then. Maybe take us both out to dinner!
My son is just too cute, he said "mom, since sister is gone we can sit down and have a 'romanic' dinner".

I really feel like my H misses me, loves me and all that, but I dont think he is being honest with himself about his feelings. That is what really irritates me....but I have been doing alot of thinking lately about what I want. I honestly say that if he came back, I know I would never trust him. Do I want to live like that??? Just thinking alot about it. I have really gotten to know him over the past few years. I know better how his mind thinks now, I know that he could cheat on me without a second thought... just things to think about.

[Sanderika]

Hi kissak,

Your son is sooooo cute. Son's are wonderful to have. Mine would say something like that too....they love us so much!!!!

The conversation you had with H is very interesting.

Do you suppose that he is changing, really changing?

Do you suppose that his is starting with the regret?

Maybe it wasn't all about carnal instinct. Maybe your H is testing the waters to see if he would be welcome back. Maybe he is really thinking he wants back in.

What if you decided to entertain him a little. Not Sex. Just turn up the flirty stuff a little. Knowing full well you are testing H, what can it hurt? Feed into his sympathies and needs. I don't know.....just an idea.

I am a firm believer that we cannot rekindle our marriages until we rekindle our friendships. My H and I are working on the friendship part and our communication skills with each other. We are intimate on occasion, far less though than we chat on the phone with each other. In our case we are very mutually attracted to each other. H has said he loves me and always will, I know he is not "in love with me". I want to nurture the love to create the "in love". I am, of course very much "in love" with him.

Can you see a way to create a new relationship out of his lonliness and persistent contact. He has a desire to be with you and he seems to be humble and sincere.

Guess, this is all just brainstorming. I am always looking for a new approach and solution.

Ask him where you stand in his life right now. What does he see for the two of you in a future relationship. What does he want, if its the marriage....is he willing to start working on reconciling it for real and in honesty right now. I think if you get him talking you are very successful with communication.
It's when they want to talk that you can ask the tough questions.

Hope you and your son fit in that romantic dinner for two, candlelight is a must!!!!

(((((hugs)))))

Sanderika

[kissak]

Thanks for your thoughts Sanderika.

Im not really sure my H is ready for reconciling or is even testing the waters. I think he really just has anxiety attacks sometimes when he think I may be out there looking....even though Im not really. He is just a very complicated man and even weird to some extent.

I think that it is alot easier for us to work on the friendship when he isnt with someone else. He really hasnt been in any other R with anyone else since him and the OW broke up a year ago. I think he is still trying to get over her in a way. I think he would go back to her in a heartbeat and until that desire is gone, I dont think he would want to come home. But he goes through spells of seeming interested in comin home some times...

He is still in therapy. He goes every 2 weeks now because he cant afford every week. We are better friends now. He does still help me alot and will still do anything for me. I dont think that doing any flirting with him would help....he would consider it teasing and then I would have to tell him no. Which is hard to do for me.

Oh well, I think lately he has seen me detaching some from him. He can tell. I never know what kind of mood he is in though from day to day...he is always feeling different every day....

I married a very confusing man....only now I know just how confused he is. I really dont see an end in sight right now...but, Im still willing to give him a chance if I see him change...but honestly, what I see now, Ive seen before. He can be very smooth when he wants something.

[Sanderika]

Hi kissak,

I guess I would really like to see your marriage reconciled.

I hope my analyzing isn't driving you batty.

I want to help if I can so, I hope I am helpful.

I understand that you know your H very well, you probably know what he's thinking before he says it. You seem to understand exactly where his mind is at right now regarding the two of you.

I am still gonna hope he is changing, if you don't mind.

Sanderika

[kissak]

I appreciate your hope for my marriage Sanderika...thats why Im here. To just keep the hope up and get support from others! Please continue to offer support and advice to me. I enjoy your posts!!

You can keep continuing to hope he is changing...I do NOT mind at all! I pray for it everyday and i pray for everyone in my sitch!

And your not driving me batty! That would be my H's job at this moment in my life!!

[cagzmom]

Kissak - get the book called "I do again..."
IT is good.

I read your post really briefly. Glad that your x has been in counseling! WOW that is growth!! Glad that he is there so you can be his friend.

Glad you are better-- amazing what has happened to you in this past year!