The holidays are so hard!!! I have resorted to funny cards instead of sentimental. We had an anniversary in April and I took my son and just son and I went on a trip. I couldn't imagine being here waiting for H to recognize the day and not having it happen. I did give him a card that was a little more feeling oriented but I was able to find one that talked about the memories we shared together, which was true. He gave me a card that expressed how sorry he was for everything. It was nice, but here we still are with just a little progress since then. I am sure I must have needed a huge lesson in patience that I am learning all in one year.
Regarding your 180's, I wonder about showing affection in a different way. You know, like a little joking jab, or when one of the kids say something funny, sqeezing his arm or leg and laughing. You could see how he responds to that and go from there. The other 180's might have to wait. I'm sure your coach can help you more with that. I also wonder about how you handle everyday life, how you can show him something totally different in your conversations and contact. It sounds like you are already doing that.
All I can say, is get a great support system around you. Start doing something for you that makes you happy, get a new hobby or take a class, or something new to distract yourself. It can be a long ride. It took almost an entire year to really see any significant change in my H and it's still very up in the air. You will be more attractive to him, yourself, and others if you are making yourself a priority. More easily said than done when you've been left to fend for 3 small children by yourself.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us updated!
