John, She will do and say anything to make you think the A is over so she can continue the A...you can only state VERY clearly by your actions that you will not accept her continued A to have a chance to save your marriage. While you are here she is with him. I am sorry to tell you that I think you have waited too long to fix it...I do not think it is over but I do think your W hopes to string you along until Oct when the OM is scheduled to PCS and if he will not take her with him she "might" want to be with you as a backup or last resort...neither of which should be acceptable to you. You, without telling her anything, should file for divorce and ask for everything you can think of, with your lawyers advice, on Monday. CS and a percentage of her retirement...you are in a very unique situation in that she move out and has an apartment...you should try to get evidence of the affair...even if not used it will give you some additional evidence for your case. You have to get to the stage in your thoughts that you are prepared to lose it all to force a decision...your W has made a major mistake in moving out with an underage daughter...much worse than I think you realize.
Again, You are doing well if you can realize that you must do something...go see your lawyer ASAP...this will give you an "out" when talking to your W...tell her you are not allowed to talk to her about Divorce because of your Daughter on the advice of your lawyer and your D IC.
You can do it! Forget about the thoughts you have about the Disney life...that is not real life.
Can you take a few days and avoid ALL contact with your W? The more often you are able to do this the better your thoughts are on what you want to do...it is very natural for you to want your W...stay calm and avoid/ignore her.
Go see the lawyer...you will feel better...use the equity that you have to pay for it...your primary focus should be on your D. Do whatever you have to so you can shield her from this "stuff"...she will forever be changed...only with your guidance can she grow, learn, and understand.
Take the PACAF assignment. Get promoted, get a tan, get involved with life, and stop letting your W control your life.
I am going to be crude...I am sorry and apoligize in advance. I know this is your W...f*** her, you are a great person, father, citizen, SNCO, etc...total package. F her and move on...she is not worth the effort you have already spent...go to Hawaii and enjoy life.
Again, no booze, take care of your D, get out of debt, ask for everything you can out of the divorce...EVERYTHING! She left her daughter...prove she left because of the A and you will be pleased with the results. Exposure with the fallout will only benefit you.
Do not give up ANY percentage of your retirement...expose and let the "chips" fall. You do not need pictures...get your 1Sgt involved...in 28+ yrs I have never seen one !Sgt that did not cause a final solution...I am not saying it will save your marriage...I am saying that the Shirt involvement will force the issue...I cannot see a officer that is a O-5 married to a O-6 that is retirement eligible give this up for a 15 yr E-7. You already know what she is...a booty call and nothing else.
Do your investigation, hire a PI to use in court. Send it to (accident) unknow.unkkown@yahoo.com ALL on base. Just a thought...right now I am mad for her treating you this way so I say go for it all...
This is not a game and you are not in high-school. No more Mr Nice Guy...you have nothing to lose unless you are ready to accept this. You will have to "give" away what many lose in court if you get started first without telling your W what you are doing.
Think about what you want...let us know first. Ask Puppy for advice...he is going to be your best most trustworthy person to ask...you have nothing to lose. If you try at least you will have that...but you must do something!
