A common fate for us filers

[PortlandDad]

My W is in total and complete denial about her recent affair and her affair from 10 years ago. She gets violent (to the point of self-mutilation) if anyone suggests that she has had any infidelity. Of course, the facts are so completely against her:

From her affair ten years ago:
* Her affair partner's friend told me directly that he had bragged about "bagging" her.
* She called my mom and sister bawling and hysterical that she might be pregnant or have contracted an STD from her liaison with the first OM.
* Her mother denied that anything like that had happened (Her daughter was a good girl) and that the phone call to my sister had been a ploy that my MIL had orchestrated to make me jealous. Later, she retracted the claim about orchestrating the incident.

From her recent A:
* She meets OM in Germany while on vacation and is gone for days at a time. No one knows where she is. It is later discovered that she has been staying at his house.
* She lies and tells me that he is gay so I will agree that he can come and visit with us for 10 days last September. While here, they stayed at a beach-front hotel together and a cabin in the mountains. My kids also phone-cam'ed them snuggling on the couch watching movies while I was away with my S13 launching rockets.
* She calls and texts him incessantly for two months straight. Sometimes for hours a day, in the privacy of her car.
* She tells me she wants a divorce, then settles for a separation when I agree to give her a large sum of money. The OM is enlisted to fly from Germany to "hold her hand" on the plane ride. What a nice friend, eh?
* She goes on a long weekend getaway to Nuremberg for KristkindleMarkt. She claims that he was not there with her. Her sister claims he was not there with them. His WerKenntWen status, at the time, said he was on his way to Nuremberg for KKM.
* She moves into an apartment that is 5 minutes from his, and in the same town. She had previously been staying with her parents which were 30 minutes away, and in a different town.
* She started a wonderful friendship with the OMs' sister.
* She comes back to the US "to see the kids" and starts making like Robin Hood and buying stuff off the net and shopping on my credit card. Many of the things are for her new "best friend".
* She claims she hasn't had contact with the OM "for months", despite that I had only 5 minutes earlier seen her entire sent-email directory with messages to him having been sent only 2 days earlier.
* She freaks out that I would impugn her morals and slashes her wrist.

Lots more, but the pattern is unmistakable.