why it takes d for so many to "get it"

[No_hill_for_a_Swimmer]

OK Interesting thread
I've been the LBS for about 4 years now and poked back in for a bit

One thing I did was to research adNauseum what and why things went wrong. Read self help to the cows came home. Listened to many stories from others going through the same thing. Read this board till my eyes bled. (not really)

Anyway I came up with one common thread

The two do not connect emotionally with eachother. Her fault, His fault (that's the common theme blame the Selfish man), no ones fault (circumstances ect.) it is the only thing I have seen that is common.

How one does that? Outside of opening yourself up and risking initial rejection I have no idea. It is a decision both should make before the I Dos.

I've worked as a beach lifeguard for 3 summers and saw a lot of people. At the end of the day we seem like bartenders and hear all kinds of stories which after you filter out the he/she did me wrong crap the common thread is in full view.

Once in a while you get a lady (since that is whom I most listen to) will admit they were selfish, stupid, and threw a good thing away but I've heard some stories like this thread from a few guys but most of both sexes just as the owner of this thread states "Just don't get it"

Well I did not get it until several bombs in the Iraqi desert helped out a bit. 2X4s were too quiet.

I could add mine also but would just be repeating other Gentlemen's tales and I applaud their honesty in announcing the fact they and I are simply reaping what we sowed. It is a lonely and bitter harvest made worse by the realization of the pain we caused others we promised to love.

It is not to say I would go back to said X since she has performed many misdeeds most of which she has no clue of my knowledge. Just the exchange of she did vs he did is pointless. The point is we (Men and Women) had a chance to connect and for some reason did not. That is the two becomes one said by the Preacher on the wedding day.

For those who honestly tried and was the reaper of what their partner sowed you have my sympathy. I can give little else.

To the ones like me who have to live with theirselves after the realization they are not God's gift to the other sex but quite the contrary the best advice I could give decide what you want to be, fix yourself, then and not before if you wish to find a partner to connect with. Only if you wish and are willing to put up the sacrifice.

I for one am not. My motivation is elsewhere in activities not tried, places not seen, and adventures not experienced. To trade them in for a partner would make the connection too expensive in life terms and would probably be a repeat of past mistakes and misdeeds.

One more thing I would look at if you are looking at yourself or someone else evaluating their worthiness or your own.

It's easy to turn over a leaf when disaster strikes and either pull yourself up by the bootstraps or come together for a common cause. Sick Child, Spouse, natural disaster often brings out the best in us.

It's hard to do the same and sacrifice when you are doing well. You are not feeling the bite of rejection or loss. Pain is God's megaphone but is wispering during pleasure. I believe when one sacrifices properly during these times is the real test of character.

I failed it and it seems I have good company.
have a good one