Okay, so you asked for my insight. I don't think you will like it very much. I've read both threads now.
In my opinion...you started making the comments about DR being for first marriages because you are looking for someone/something to blame for things "not working out" rather than, well...make changes in yourself.
It sounds to me like your wife is giving you a hell of a lot of leeway here...that she wants it to work, that she's really trying to give you a chance, and being clear about it. She sounds pretty smart to me. I liked her analogy about the cards. With her past, it sounds like she is trying to set healthy boundaries for her and her daughters...and would like you to be a part of the family, but you have work to do.
You admitted you've said the right stuff and then fell off the wagon. Let me tell you something. Saying things doesn't change a damn thing. Changing the way you behave does.
Two things:
It would seem first and foremost, you need to look at how much drinking is the issue, and is affecting the other issues. I'm married to an alcoholic and I don't have the right words to tell you how much it sucks. You sort of hint about it here...what's the real story? How much do you drink? And what do you intend to do about it? Because if the answer is nothing...then this R is probably doomed along with any other R's you have. Including the one with your son.
Second...focus on other people's feelings. You are consumed with your own panic about her saying she doesn't feel in love with you anymore. Ok. So what about her feelings? Her daughters' feelings? Your son's feelings? Put YOUR feelings aside and concentrate on the others in your life...not to avert crisis, but because it's right.
My husband declares his love for me...and treats me badly. So which shall I believe?
