Hello, I am new to the board but have been reading for several mos. Am hoping some of the wise folks on here may have some insight for me. Briefly my story is, H & married almost 11 years, together 14, he gave me the ILYBNILWY talk mid March 09. One week later he told me he "had" to move out. Couldn't stand seeing me upset. He denied there was anyone else when I asked. So he moved out the last Sun. in March & is staying w his best friend in a town about 30 minutes away from here. I am in our house w our 2 dogs, no kids. I knew something was amiss about a mo. prior, when he started acting cold & uncommunicative to me. We had our issues but like so many other people I've read about, was completely blindsided & devastated by the news. So, around April i found the DB book & devoured it, which led me to this website. I've even done the DB phone coaching which is phenomonenal. However my coach is on vacation til next week & I fear & may have done a DB no-no & really messed up.

If anyone has some advice or thoughts I'd be so appreciative. A bit more background, I have been trying to do the LRT since reading DB, so I've stopped the pursuing behaviors. We have a garage apt. on our property (currently vacant) & since he lost his job in June we've agreed to rent it out again. He has been over the last few wks doing landscaping & repairs. I had been hopeful that my LRT was maybe helping things, til last Sunday. We were talking about the lease terms, etc. & then he says, we need to talk about us. I have not brought up our R since about April, so I was nervous to hear what he had to say, but tried very hard not to appear it. He said he thought it was time to make a decision about the future, and how we should get on w our lives. Did not say the word "D". I was crushed inside but remained outwardly calm & tried to affirm his feelings, as directed by my DB coach. I understand how you feel, etc. I did say that is a big decision & he said, yes maybe the biggest decision of my life. Here's where I may have screwed up. Feeling desparately scared, I asked him if he'd read a book that I read & found very helpful. I was very clear no pressure, only if he felt like it & that I offer it not to change his mind but just thought he might get something out of it. And he agreed. No, not DB, but "The Truth about Love" by Pat Love. (Michele mentions it in DR, how I found it. I really liked it & it spoke to so many of our issues). So he took it & he left then I fell apart. Did not have any communication this week, til today I got a text from him asking if we can get together tomorrow & talk. Have I really screwed up any chance I had?? I am thinking I should not have given him the book, I've messed up & all my hard work to date. I have been so diligent about not discussing our R but I combed the DR book & could not find advice on what to do when WAS brings up R & starts talking about D. What if he wants to start on that? Anyone have thoughts on what I should do if he does?? I am tryng to be calm but inside I am freaking out. Anyone who has been through this or has thoughts. I have read so many people's stories I know there's a lot of wisdom here. Thank you so much for reading.