I am sorry that he hasn't replied just yet. Know that you will be ok if he doesn't. If you really want to go, see if some other friends will go and then if he shows up, fine. You just keep focusing on Julia and the rest will take care of itself.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I'm gutted. Not about the concert, I don't really care about that, about the last paragraph - the highlighted bit in particular. I know he is acting like a 'friend' with me but I'm not sure I am strong enough to do this. To hear stuff like that is painful. It feels like he is recreating the life we had. Apart from things are never right are they, first it was the job - he left, then it was me and the new job was 'it' and he left me, then it was the job again and he left that. I hope the pattern continues but maybe this time it will be right. Am I supposed to wish him well?????
'Hi, sorry it's taken me so long to reply! Have had a really busy week. I'm looking after ... complex while the normal manager is on leave so it's been pretty busy! Still really enjoying it though.
Your idea sounds really lovely but I'm afraid I've already got tickets to that show. It was a really nice thought though. Maybe we could go to a different one? I was there on Tuesday actually to see Firebird. The place hasn't changed at all... And neither have the staff! I saw two head stewards - ... and ...!! They both looked like a pair of idiots.
How are you settling in anyway? Hope Maple is behaving herself. I have decided to move too, just to another flat in ... Going to get a cat I think! By the way do you need a broadband router? I have a spare one now!
H.'
Am I supposed to 180 to that and say that is great?? It would not be real for me to do that in anyway. I know a lot of this DB stuff is fake it till you make it etc but that goes against my core to wish him well to that.
Hey Julia, sorry you got this reply. I am following and know the story. If you didnt reply "that's great" what would you say? What's your alternative at this point? I am afraid you dont really have many options the way I see it. Stay strong Julia, it's his loss as you say, K
I'm sorry you got that reply too, although I do think it's really positive that he suggested going to the proms another night don't you think? There's an opening there for spending an evening doing exactly what you'd planned, just with a different concert. I think that's really positive and it's something of a baby step. I couldn't have imagined him doing that 3 months ago....
In relation to the cat, I think you could either ignore it (indicating by omission that it bothers you), or you could offer unconditional friendship and ask him about it, maybe joking that Maple will be jealous. At this stage I think the point is to encourage him to be open with you about his life and what's going on. if it was me, I'd increase the strings of communication by encouraging him to discuss the new cat plans and moving plans etc. Be as the OW would be, lavishing him with interest and affection..... I know it's hard, but I guess DBing isn't easy
Finally, I'd take the router- nice that he's offering it to you when he could (I guess) just throw his spare away....
Stay strong, I agree with K. There are a lot of positives in his e-mail. If you remove the cat comment I'd be feeling good about the response. Hurray that he liked your suggestion for an evening out. And his loss on the cat because maybe he'll end up with the hissing cat from hell, like that one Rachel had in friends. Ha!
this is gonna be quick, I'm going to digest the email more, but I think there is good stuff in there.
What gets me in my sitch is just anything that B does that makes me realize how many decisions he's making without me being in his life. Sometimes it hurts even when they are good decisions for him to make. I wonder if that might be part of what you are feeling?
The cat thing might be something good in that he is taking steps to take care of himself emotionally (pets = major stress reliever) which seems like something new. Maybe it could give you an opening to have cat "play dates" (do cats do that?)? Or maybe his new cat will turn out to be terrible and mean and he'll realize that Maple is irreplaceable!!
I know the router thing seems weird, but B did something similar when he sent me that extra copy of the CD he had recorded on that wasn't particularly meaningful to them. It's like giving a low-meaning "gift" or hand-me-down like that is the easiest gift for the WA to give, because if you don't like it they can't get hurt. But I know that H has given you very thoughtful gifts in the past already, so it might be just a really weird way of him showing that he want to take care of you (or something).
hang in there and enjoy all the beautiful things in your new life in LONDON!!!!
And PLEASE go to the pines of rome concert anyway! If I was in your area I would totally go with you.
Thanks for your comments guys I do really appreciate them, they helped me in my thinking, although I am still feeling confused within myself about things and am trying to identify how I feel about this now the initial reaction has passed.
Yesterday I went down to the seaside to a festival which was fun but a total wash out. It poured but it was good anyway. Today has been a chillout day watching my new boxset of Sex and the City. I am going to that concert anyway with a friend and I will actively not look for him, some things I don't need to see and I will just enjoy the concert.
He is making an effort with me with the whole router thing. Basically the one at the house was on its last legs so when I moved I threw it out and he knew that so it is a nice gesture to offer me his one.
