I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

I've been working really hard to detach from my family.
When I graduated high school, I moved out instantly to NYC because I knew that was the only way I could get along with them. If I wasn't around, they wouldn't be able to criticize me. So I moved from place to place and our relationship has always been better when I'm gone. When I'm back at home, its back to the same old negative routine. And the person I need to detach from most is my mother. She's is absolutely cruel to me without a care for my feelings. She was both pyshically and verbally abusive towards me when I was younger. I was never good enough for her. I've come to realized that it doesn't have anything to do with me, but it was all about her. She took her anger regarding the past, out on me, which is so unfair. But I understand it, I don't agree with it, but I accept that she went through a hard life and I don't try to argue with her anymore. Everytime she says something negative to me about the way I look or what I do, I just walk away. I havent spoken to her for nearly 2 months, ever since she told me to kill myself if I was in that much pain. I know I can't change who they are, I can't make them be more sensitive and I know I have to just accept it even though I don't like it. But I'm not going to put up with anymore mistreatment. I put up with it my entire life and I was always made to feel like nothing. That is not an exaggeration. When I married H, my mom wanted me to wait on him hand and foot and got really angry at me when I didn't. We weren't that kind of couple anyway. And she also said that it was ok to hit me if I wasn't being a proper wife. Again, not an exaggeration! I just can't handle that type of treatment anymore and living here makes me feel like that all over again, as if I'm nothing. But I accept that they had a hard life. I wish they would see that I have too and have a bit more sympathy but that's out of my control. I just need to let it go and be around people who are more positive.

Next IC appt is on Wednesday.