My wife and I have been separated for a little over two months now. She says she wants to file, but she’s only waiting because she starts a new job 8/18/09 and she needs to get a few weeks under her belt to get health insurance and a few months under her belt to get a refinance on our house.
Both my wife and I come from poor backgrounds. My mother left and divorced my father when I was three. Father got custody of my sister and me, but he was very abusive physically and emotionally to both of us. My mother died about 18 months ago or so of cancer. I’ve not spoken to my father for months. My sister is the only family contact I have right now. My wife’s mother is an alcoholic and tried committing suicide (sort of) 2 or 3 times since my wife was a mid teenager. Her mother has sort of recovered but she’s so jacked up on anti anxiety meds that you can hardly tell at times. My wife’s 30 year old sister died in a car accident last spring. I feel that all these problems combined play a major roll in our sitch. I’ve reacted poorly to my problems through depression, drinking and isolation over the past 3 or 4 years.
I’ve made some pretty nice progress with my personal stuff this past year, but y wife is just starting to figure out what some of her demons are since we’ve separated. She’s very unhappy right now. When I ask her if she’s ok, she tells me that she’s just nervous about her new job, but she’s never gotten this down before because of a new job. I can’t help but think that she is starting to face the reality of what life would be like if we’re divorced and that’s upsetting her.
Yesterday she called to see if I wanted to go to the zoo with her and the girls and a couple of long time friends. I accepted (maybe LRT says I shouldn’t, but my anti social behavior has been a problem for us in the past so I think it’s important for me to do these things). I asked her if she was ok and she immediately says, “I just don’t want you to think that I’m sad because we’re separated or that I’ll be happy if we get back together.”
Its things like this that confuse me. I’ve read that I’m supposed to believe nothing that she says right now, and only half of what she does. My question is if she’s just putting a front up to make me think she’s really going through with a divorce as a way of testing the sincerity of my changes.
