So needed to share another update... so from Thurs night I called H and we wpoke briefly, didn't hear back from him. Yesterday I was actually feeling depressed about where my life has come to, that H has disrepected me with all of this, that we should be above all this crap, and just feeling unloved. And to be honest the whole thing about how the guy I was talking to briefly pulling back, gets to me at times - I really thought this would have been my breakaway from dealing with H and ow. I was hoping that this was a really nice guy that would have been God's way of releasing me from all this crap. Anyway, that said nothing developed there and I should be done with that - but honestly my disappointment comes from feeling like I;m still stucked on this emotional rollercoaster and hurt from H.
So last night about 10:30 H then texts me I love u out of the blue. And I don't know if I'm being too callous but I wasn't impressed. On one hand it was nice getting the text because earlier in the day I was feeling down and saying to myself that nobody loves me. But on the other hand I was thinking that you love me so much that you haven't called to see how I'm doing, haven't offered to go out or spend time together right. So I just texted back saying "Really??!!" Then he tells me he was hanging out with his cousins and I went through his mind... ok. So now at midnight the guys calls me and ask about coming to sleep at home because his nieces are having friends over in the basement where he's staying. Then he tells me but first his cousin wants to hang out some more so it will be later. I had to second guess what to say to him so I told him to call me before b/c I might be asleep already. But in my mind all I was thinking is this guy for real... you haven't spoken to me all day and then want to crawl in late in the morning after you finish partying/hanging out to "see me." So I texted him after saying casually of course: hey I'm going back to sleep. Check me tomorrow. Have a good night." He didn't repond to my text so I knew very well he would still pop up at my door. At 1:30am there he was. I had turned off the volume on the phones purposely b/c my plan was to not answer the door. Sorry if this all sounds mean but my H has developed the habit of disrespecting me and putting his hang out time with friends and ow first and me last, so I'm trying to change things and not stand for disrespect anymore. The truth is that I think I've allowed him to do all this and continued to look the other way and still be a good wife. So no more. So he was there pressing the bell and calling the phones for about 10-15 minutes. Finally I gave in and opened the door pretending like I was asleep. But I said to him, "H it's late and I told you I would be asleep and this is hardly the hour to be visiting someone. This is booty call hours." And then he had his bag of laundry saying that he figure he would do his laundry at home in the morning since he will be here. So I acted very surprised and bothered... ask him if he will do my laundry too. He talked about going to the laundrymat around the corner so I told him I'm not so much bothered about the laundry it's that I'm feeling a bit used. And moreso the hour he popped up is just not appropriate. So in trying to test me he said, so you want me to leave. People this was so hard b/c of course part of me wanted him to stay and then another part of me was saying hell no, this is disrespectful. So I told him ok. There not at 2am he packed his laundry back into his car and drove off. He was pissed off. 2:30ish he texted he saying that I acted like a b--ch and that its all good I could go and be with my friend and he doesn't want anything to do with me. Can you believe him. I got the text and you know what when I speak to him today I'm going to act like nothing to it, didn't receive that one, I will be happy and casual as can be. Anyway, just wanted to share. As my sister says, H doesn't mean harm but he needs training. And I don't want to be just some man's convenience gosh darn it.
