I agree with John- it does sound like the decision is made, which IMHO is a good thing- this situation could continue forever with you being unhappy and him being.... whatever he is being (un-understandable!).
Your kids are smart and emotionally well-adjusted. It'll be hard for them to hear that you will be living deparate lives, but they've seen how much effort you've put into making this work which is good for their future view of relationships. And it's definitely in their interests to have a happy mother. You're so strong I'm sure you and H can co-parent effectively and with friendliness.
Thinking of you,
L. xx
PS How is your Dad? I was thinking about him yesterday.
