I like what both of you had to say above... I do think that my next R will be better, whoever it's with. And developing a R again gradually is exactly how it would need to happen. Right now, I can't see it happening. Just returned from a nice trip, visiting family. I've been back one day and am feeling so depressed. H called the day we returned - must have missed the kids. Saw him when he came to pick them up and immediately felt like I was having a panic attack. I hate being here and seeing him. I don't know how to be in front of him.
And yet I still want to be with him.
How messed up is that?
So tired of wanting him back, of not messing up my chances of him coming back. It was so much easier being away and not having to see him. So tempted to pack up and go. Escape from this mess and this heartache. But as the saying goes, no matter where you go, there you are - or something like that.
Off to find a distraction to keep me from having a nervous breakdown.
