Well I chose not to reply to his texts, even though the one was a question. Neither indicated anything urgent so I kept working on my sale stuff. Then he called an hour later and both kids were sleeping so I answered it before it woke them up.
First he asked me if all my garage sale stuff was put away, bc it had started raining. ?
Then he asked the same questions from the text messages. I answered them and he started to tell me about the p.i.t.a. that the renovations have become, etc etc. I listened for a bit and then asked when he was coming in the morning. He agreed to take Nathan to counseling tomorrow while I run my sale.
He asked what time counseling was and then he got that frustrated/mad at himself voice. He said he had to get off the phone and go to work (not sure if he meant real work or more work on the house, I could hear him sanding while we were talking), he forgot he was taking Nate to counseling so he had a lot to do and he would call me later.
Ok fine. Back to working on yard sale stuff. I did not offer to do a thing to help him with the house. The Boundaries books call that kind of help 'watering someone else's lawn'. I like that image. If you are always watering your WAS' lawn, it stays green, meaning they don't see the consequences of their choices. While at the same time, your 'yard' can wither b/c you give all of your proverbial water to the WAS. Kind of tough to describe here but I really appreciated the metaphor. So anyway I did not offer to help with either the house stuff, or getting Nathan to counseling.
And Dan will love the 'thing' (Nathan calls it thing vs. issue) our little guy chose to talk to counselor about. He wants to talk to her about how he cries at night and wants in my bed because he is scared. We talked tonight and he finally told me the reason he is scared of monsters is because Daddy isn't here to keep him safe. That when Daddy slept here he wasn't afraid of monsters but he is now, and that makes him miss his daddy. He told me that if daddy lived here he wouldn't be afraid at night anymore...
