I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

Well, the girl never got back to me about a time to see the apt tomorrow, unfortunately. Maybe she hasn't had the time to get back to me but its quite late now. Oh well, just going to have to keep on looking!

So I know you guys are going to be disappointed that I did this but I looked at his MS page What can I say, I'm BORED! Its friday night, I have nowhere to go. I'm all alone..
So what I don't understand is this..he took me off his MS page, but....all of my photos are still on his page. He hasn't taken any of them off. And I know he's been on a million times. And he's been adding girls on his page and if they were anything to him, wouldn't they wonder who I am? There's not that many photos BUT all the photos he has up are of no one else but me and him. And he also wrote a blog about us. A blog about when we first moved back to the states and how it was a new beginning for us. Its the only blog thats up on his page and he hasnt removed it. What I don't understand is why he removed me, but hasn't removed all those??

A part of me has hope that he hasn't taken them off but then again I'm probably just reading into things. He probably just didn't think about it or hasn't gotten around to it. But of course he has the time, he's on it everyday. He's got time to change his profile, of course he has time to remove my pictures. I know, its really stupid of me to even care, but I do this time because its something that has to do with me, that he hasn't pushed away yet? Know what I mean? I don't know anything about his life, don't know where he's living, don't know his phone number, he's blocked me from ALL chats and removed me from ALL his social networking sites . . but there I am, still in his profile in the form of a blog and some precious vacation photos..and its not like its photos of us together, its just me by myself. Agh, I'm just reading into things. He probably forgot they are there.

Its just that a part of me wants to believe that he kept them there for a reason, that he doesn't totally want to let go of me. When he left, he took everything with him that I gave him. He took photos of me, he took every single love letter and card I ever gave him, he took our stuffed animals. And when he left, I looked at his email (bad, I know, but I was desperate), I found a folder in his email with every single email I ever wrote him since we first met. He didn't know that I knew about this email address, it was his secret email, because he knew I knew the password to his other email and I think he was afraid that I was going to go into them and delete all the emails I ever sent him, when I was mad. So he moved everything into his secret email and saved it all. And he still has it all, I know he does.

I don't know, does this sound like someone who wants a divorce????? Because it doesn't to me. Or maybe he just likes to keep everything for memories sake? But I don't want to believe that. I believe he took and kept everything for a reason. Maybe he's ready to leave me, but just not fully ready to let go of the past that quickly... and soon he will get rid of everything.. I'm probably jinxing myself, all the photos will probably be taken down soon. Blah. I'm only doing this to myself. It's my fault for looking at his page to begin with. Even though it's wrecking my head, it still gives me a bit of hope. Not much, but some.

Ok, I'm going back to not caring about it. I'm going to go back to me. And what I need to do to make me happy
Still had a really bad/boring day. The highlight was watching the rain. Oh how I love the rain. The whole breakdown I had a few days ago has really gotten to me but I'm getting a little better as the days go by. I've been really down and haven't done much at all but use the computer and lie down in bed watching tv. Hopefully, going out tomorrow with my friends will get me out of this funk! Oh and WTF, we're all going to an Irish bar/lounge. What is up with that??? Thanks guys, I'm sure going to get over my IRISH EX at the IRISH BAR!! hehe but its ok, I'll be OK. Better to be there than to be here..