It's MY life now!!!........

[Silent Chrleader]

Well, friends, just to touch base.....not much has been happening really. I am doing OK but feeling a little depressed still.

I keep thinking of H and my sitch much of the time and I get very frustrated with myself. The few interactions I've had with H are co-operative and even friendly, and I feel that my decision to really let go and move on is the right one for me. So, why is it still on my mind all the time!!??? I am doing dance lessons and going to concerts and still doing my Water Aerobics, and other "GAL" things, but my thoughts are still constantly drawn back to H.

He is not the man I (or he) thought he was. I don't want the man he is. I am happy that we are able to work together for our common good. But, I still mourn the loss, even if it's only the loss of what was ultimately a fantasy. I just wish these thoughts/feelings would go away!!!

One sorta interesting developement..... without going into all the complicated detail, it turns out that it very well may be the best financial outcome "as a whole" for the dream property to be under my name for the bankruptcy. Amazingly, H even seems willing to agree to this!! He said "Well I guess I will just have to trust you the way you were going to have to trust me!" Of course, I won't believe it until he signs on the dotted line, but I am still amazed that he even seemed willing to contemplate the idea. Of course, he knows that I am completely trustworthy and he can feel safe when I say that we will "switch back the houses" after the Chapter 13 bankruptcy term is done. He knows I meant it when I said that I look at that property as a gift of love and therefore unconditionally his. It's still sort of ironic .....

Keepin on keepin on.......

[Golfgirl1]

You go, girl! All the happiness to you in the days ahead....

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, Y'all.

Well, meeting with the lawyers went really well yesterday. H was up at dream property this week with GF but was able to be there via speaker phone. H has agreed to allocate the dream property to me on my bankruptcy. It's complicated to explain but it is financially beneficial for me (and doesn't cost him anything financially) to do it that way, so H has agreed to it! I am very appreciative of the fact that he knows he can trust me to that extent and is willing to do that for me.

Went to a concert last night to see Hells Belles. They are an all girl "tribute band" to AC/DC. They were great!!! Apparently they actually have the endorsement of AC/DC too! Their lead guitarist is a little woman that must be only about 5 feet tall and weigh 100 lbs sopping wet, but Boy she could sling those blond dred locks around and make that guitar sing!! It was fun!

Starting Night Club 2-step, and West Coast Swing lessons this week! I'm hoping that will be fun and I can meet some new people.

Doing pretty well really........

[dl443322]

I am so happy for you that h agreed to do that. And wow to you on the GAL. You go, girl!

[Silent Chrleader]

Thanks, ((((BM))))!

I got an e-mail from my favorite SIL today. Just been corresponding with her in the alt. She said I will always be family to her. Made me cry...... but in a good way...... mostly.

[glamgirl]

SC I hope you have a wonderful weekend. We will plan something once this heat wave ends. I am so miserable with the high temps, but trying to stay cool.

I really like how you get out and do things. That is great you are getting a life without your h.

[Silent Chrleader]

Thanks, ((((Glam)))).

Yea, I'm trying to get a life, but it still often feels like I'm just going through the motions, ya know? I am doing OK, but I still feel a real void in my life and pretty much every day, I cry at least once. But, I want to be very careful because I don't want to jump at something/someone (if the opportunity every arises) just to fill that void.......

And though I know I will be just fine, I really don't think that I will ever be OK with the fact that to H, our M wasn't worth saving..... or rather rebuilding. I really believe that H and I ultimately want the same things, and are capable of building a very happy life together. I know that in my soul. But, I can't make H see that, and I can't do it alone. And I don't think that H will ever allow for that possibility.

My mother once told me that if she was the woman with my dad, that she is currently with my step-dad, she still would have been married to my dad and they would have been happy. I find that so sad and it makes me feel so helpless!! I hate feeling that way!

[Silent Chrleader]

OK, D24 came over today to pick up a couple things, so I got cuddles with GD. I swear that baby girl is the most perfect baby ever born!!

Went our with a girlfriend to hear a local classic rock band, and have dinner and ended up going to a movie. I wanted to go dancing but my friend wasn't up to it. But, sitting for a couple hours drooling over Johnny Depp (We saw "Public Enemy") was well worth the money spent!!!

I start Night Club 2-step and West Coast Swing dance lessons this week. I am really looking forward to it. I hope it's fun. I want to meet new people.......

I also really really need to get back to doing my elyptical machine. I have fallen off the log on that, and was going to start this week, but we've had over 100 degree weather (unheard of in this neck of the woods) and without air conditioning, I was just not up to breaking a sweat! But, I really gotta get back on the stick and get healthy!!

I'm thinking that if I get a bonus at year end this year (very much not guaranteed in this economy), but if I do, I might join something like "Events and Adventures". It's expensive, but it sounds like a nice way to meet other "single" people and do fun things.

GAL, GAL, GAL, GAL,.......... my mantra!

[glamgirl]

The dance lessons sound fun SC. I think that is great that you get out so much and are enjoying yourself. That is so important.

I too have not been able to workout with the weather here as you know. It looks like some relief with the weather by Tues.

I don't do well in heat and have been very moody and grouchy the past week. I don't like being like that, but this heat wave has been more than I can take.

Stay cool!

[Silent Chrleader]

.....I don't do well in heat and have been very moody and grouchy the past week. I don't like being like that, but this heat wave has been more than I can take.

Stay cool!

Yea, it's been a veritable pressure cooker hasn't it?.......