K4D Rising #4

[K4D]

You thought your d's were getting better? What can we possibly say to that?

I don't know. Yes, they seemed to be doing better. I guess I was wrong.They have periods where they seem find and other times when they don't.

Get them enrolled in c, asap b/c now it's summertime. Does NOT Matter if YOU think "they're doing better" b/c 1) you don't know what is going on with them, as they won't and CAN'T tell YOU all their feelings; 2) they would need c in the best of circumstances as ALL kids do, and 3) nearly all judges want to see it and it'd look better for you to be the one making it happen, and finally, as for the choice of c, why didn't you like the other one? B/C they didn't address whether the divorce was right or wrong? That is not their job. The c's are there for the kids and getting them through the worst experience of THEIR lives....it is NOT their job to fix your M...

Who am I kidding. Anything I say to this is going to be the wrong answer. I just didn't want my kids being told that there is nothing wrong with this situation and that everyone is better because of it. Thats a bunch of garbage being filled in their heads.

Choose a c that your kids are comfortable with. Not you, not your w,
but the kids. They're the ones who need to be helped. You can get your own c, and so can your w.

True.

As for homeschooling, which I actually considered when we lived in Alaska, you can't figure out why that's impractical for you? ASIDE from your w wanting a divorce,...you cannot afford to homeschool. She earns more money and according to you, that is hugely important to her, and you said yourself that you don't earn enough to support your family just now. So, you are saying if only she'd quit her job, and stay home and become a teacher (without pay), then all would be well? And you don't see any other issues that could arise? Of course you can.

Well, it wouldn't be the most fantastic lifestyle. But we could make it work. I don't see her giving up her lifestyle for it though.

Why can't you tell the kids that it isn't practical EVEN IF you were together? It's not b/c of your w's choice to end the M...

The reality is that it is NOT EASY to homeschool and takes an enormous amount of patience on the parent's end AND the kids', and with two kids not the same age, or temperament, you'd be putting your wife into a sainthood category. Plus she likes her job or at least the life style it affords her. Not so fair and not so realistic or practical. So why not explain THAT to your d's? Oh and the fact that they would not see their friends? Or have a social life without a lot of extra work on your w's part b/c she'd have to take them everywhere to meet up with other kids, and their sports or art class or whatever other thing their schools offer, that they would lose with homeschooling...

Umm... no. They would not lose that. A lot of schools work with homeschoolers now for those sort of activities. Take a look at the great Tim Tebow QB for the Florida Gators. He was homeschooled and aloud to participate in the football program with a school. He seems to have done ok. Infact, he is quite the leader of that football team. By the way, I am not a Gators fan and was disapointed that he chose that school. But that is another subject.

And if W wanted to work, then I could homeschool the kids. But yes, it would be work. And I am not saying that I am up for it. But plenty of other parents make it work on a single income. The people that lived across the street from us did and they had 7 kids and lived very practicle on a single income. My sister homeschools her kids and does quite well at it.

Plus, for our family, even with all our schooling I'd be hiring a tutor (or 3) by the time the kids hit high school...so no, it's not the easy thing that kids think when they want "to be held more" so to speak.

Didn't say it was. But it is a far superior education if done right and the kids learn how to study better and you avoid all the social garbage you get in a public school. I'm sorry, why do they need to be around those influences of drugs, sex, alcohol, other trouble stuff? I never bought into this theory that it was good for them to experience all aspects of the social life when growing up. Some things are better left not experienced. They in general are mature teenagers who become mature adults who by the way do very well in life and in the workforce. Quite a few start out college earlier as they can go at a much faster pace. If done right, its hands down the best way to go by far.

Not all the problems in your kids lives are related to your w's choices or the divorce. Your kids increased needs are of course being affected by
the divorce, but they have to be addressed with c and whatever the c suggests, but Homeschooling? The desire for it may be due to the divorce but as a solution it is probably one of those things that won't fix your problems for reasons not related to the divorce. Explain that to the girls instead of sighing and lamenting, even if only to yourself. (Which I'm assuming was not shown to them, right?)

No. It was not shown to them and I didn't say homeschooling would fix anything. Its not an answer to any problems at the moment considering the obvious situation. If things were great and the family dynamics and everything else were good, then it could be looked at as something worth doing for the kids. But since that is in no way shape or form where we are at right now, it obviously is not an option to even bother talking about.

J-

PS Not having them in c at this point, after all these months, THIS is another example of what we mean when we say you don't listen or follow through or do what isn't comfortable for you. This situation is not about your comfort. This is a very good example of what we mean. I hope you wake up. Really soon.

Ok. I don't know what else to say to that.