Just had a lot piling on the last few days (not the sitch) and reached a breaking down point yesterday...
I just don't know how much more 1 person can take to be honest...
Someone told me (I think Puppy) that God gives you a little at a time so as not to break you however I don't want anymore...
I could barely breathe last night...
I want to be done with this...
I want my life back...
I want my husband back...
I want to wake from this nightmare and be able to say Thank God I got through that...
In the past few months, I have lost my job, my house, my self respect, my self-esteem, my husband and now about to lose my car...
I got my old job back, still no husband, no house, a warrent out for my arrest (found that out last night - handling that right now), car could be gone by tomorrow, in-laws threatning to take my kids from me and my oldest son is now gone...
He doesn't like me anymore and wants nothing to do with me so he has moved over to my Moms' house for the time being...
I am not doing enough to bring his Dad back home...
I don't care enough that his Dad is gone...
I am tired and hurt and sad and I want this over...:(
So you know why I am quiet now...Just trying to process everything and see where I go from here.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I have been lurking, but not posting much. I haven't even been posting on my thread lately. As soon as I read how down you were today, I came on in.
What happened to the Serenity that was gaining so much strength. You were sounding so good there for awhile. You are in GOD'S hands, you will be OK. Trust in HIM. Have FAITH in HIM that he will get you through this storm. Get your focus back on him and not your circumstance. I know, it's not easy. Believe me I know.
As you probably remember, my H has been gone all week on vacation. I don't know where he went, or if skank is with him. It has been so peaceful having the house to myself. Whenever the TV is on, it is on Trinity Broadcasting. Whenever the radio is on, it is on my Christian station. A year ago, I would have been watching QVC & romantic movies, and listening to the country music station. I still like all that, but that's not what I need at this time. Sure, I have had an emotional week just with the wondering where and who H is with. When it starts to get the best of me, I shake my head, and refocus my thoughts.
H will be back on Sunday. I'm starting to feel a little apprehension setting in. I didn't know if I wanted to be here when he returned or not. Yesterday though, I received a call from my mom wanting me to come visit her on Sunday. So, there's my answer. Just when I start having doubts about GOD being in control, something like this happens. I told my mom sure I would come ( she lives in the next town), and it made her so happy.
Hang in there girl... We have an awesome GOD, and HE knows what your going through. I want you to read Psalms 37. Will you do that for me?
I was wondering where you went since I haven't seen anything updated on your thread...
I try to do the same thing as you - Shaking my head and refocusing...
Most days are good however yesterday/last night, I felt the weight was to heavy...
I try so hard not to think about him and her together because it literally makes me sick to my stomach...
Then I wonder if I am doing the right thing...
If he is happy then who am I to stand in his way of happiness - Does that make sense?
Why am I trying to force something that may not be?
Is he happy or isn't he?
Does he love her or does he love me?
Seems he loves her since he is there with her and not here with me...
Then I see I am making it about me and him or her and him when in reality it is just about him.
I want off this ride
Go visit your Mom...
Best thing for you on his return...
Plus maybe that is Gods' way of saying you just don't need to be there right now.
I will do you one better then reading it...We can all read it (well those that come here and would like to read it)
1 Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong;
2 for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.
3 Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look for them, they will not be found.
11 But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace.
12 The wicked plot against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them;
13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming.
14 The wicked draw the sword and bend the bow to bring down the poor and needy, to slay those whose ways are upright.
15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts, and their bows will be broken.
16 Better the little that the righteous have than the wealth of many wicked;
17 for the power of the wicked will be broken, but the LORD upholds the righteous.
18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD, and their inheritance will endure forever.
19 In times of disaster they will not wither; in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.
20 But the wicked will perish: The LORD's enemies will be like the beauty of the fields, they will vanish—vanish like smoke.
21 The wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously;
22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land, but those he curses will be cut off.
23 If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm;
24 though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
25 I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.
26 They are always generous and lend freely; their children will be blessed.
27 Turn from evil and do good; then you will dwell in the land forever.
28 For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever, but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off;
29 the righteous will inherit the land and dwell in it forever.
30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just.
31 The law of his God is in his heart; his feet do not slip.
32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous, seeking their very lives;
33 but the LORD will not leave them in their power or let them be condemned when brought to trial.
34 Wait for the LORD and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.
35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man flourishing like a green tree in its native soil,
36 but he soon passed away and was no more; though I looked for him, he could not be found.
37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright; there is a future [b] for the man of peace.
38 But all sinners will be destroyed; the future [c] of the wicked will be cut off.
39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD; he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
40 The LORD helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Serenity, there's a idiom - "it never rains but it pours."
Bad (or good) things do not just happen a few at a time, but in large numbers all at once.
Bummer - but they happen. What's important is the way you look at them, prioritize them and deal with them.
And thank goodness this deluge doesn't happen all the time.
Question - Serenity, did this lot happen all at once or were they allowed to grow and grow?
So. What to do. What to do.
Well they're not going to go away by themselves so you're going to have to roll your sleeves up and hit 'em one at a time.
My 2c worth - from Learned Optimism -
Bad events are temporary setbacks Isolated to particular circumstances Can be overcome by my effort and abilities
Sweets, please stop thinking about all the "does he doesn't he crud", "why this and that crud" and all the other crud that you just won't find answers for. Dedicate that freed up energy (and I know you've got lots of that) in dealing with things you DO have control over.
Take the bull by the horns. Check the things you listed in your previous post. Nail them. Chat with someone who has a sympathetic ear. Or do it here.
There are some very wide shoulders waiting for you.
Better today then yesterday... Had a lot of time to think and Mac is right.... I need to stop thinking of all the crud... All it does is bring me down... I get one thought in my head then basically run with it... I need to find a way to not think period then I will be golden lol... I believe with all my heart that we will be able to get through this and our marriage will be better and stronger because of it... I also need to stop thinking his life with her is the same as it was with me... The more I read the more I know that isn't true... They are both liars and are telling each other what the other wants to hear... I have been reading a lot about PEA chemicals (thanks Puppy) and the consensus is that it will pass in time... Always comes back to time and patience... Something I need to work on
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Thank you Kett...I will write these down as well. This one line "Don't sin by letting anger gain control over you. Think about it overnight and remain silent." Speaks volumes to me....I will have to remember this
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
