Thought I was over this

[C-Bart]

I'm not really sure were to start. I've been reading the forum at DB for 8 months or so and have appreciated the great advice and hope offered. The reason I am finally posting is I am really lost. My W gave me the typical excuses for wanting to leave for 6 months. During this time I tried everything and we actually seemed to make some progress. Looking back I can see that nothing was as it seemed. In December she finally made the leap and got her own place. However, she didn't move out until I pushed the issue. Didn't seem to make sense for here to have a house and not live in it. So technically we have been separated for 6 months. During the first 5 of those months I took it as my duty to change her mind. To make her see she was making a mistake that our entire family would regret. That all stopped about three weeks ago when I finally decided to let go. In fact I have now taken an active role in moving the D forward. She did the initial filing and then did nothing else. I think I may be giving her a way out of her guilt but at the same time I am giving myself some control. This sitch seems similar to many I have read.

Here's were things are starting to get confusing. I'm starting to get some very mixed signals. She is really opening up or at least I think she is being more open. For example we had a conversation yesterday and she talked a bit about her parents (both gone now) and her lack of connection to them. Additionally, it seems like she starting to see some of the ramifications divorce has on the children that live in her new neighborhood. She has never been very direct or open so this seems to be a big step. I am afraid that this is all to little to late. I really don't think I'm ready to be sucked back into the emotional roller coaster that was my life for the past year. That being said I still have strong feelings for my W. Did I mention I was lost!

I guess the best thing to do is to keep on my own path. Regardless of what happens I have made great strides in my relationships with my children, family and God.