WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

I found an analogy regarding my M that I thought I would share. My M is kind of like a person who has had a traumatic injury and is in a coma on life support. You can either do your best to be patient and 'wait it out' to see if the patient wakes up, or you can decided to pull the plug. How long do you wait? When do you lose hope? For now the coma is not old enough to decide to pull the plug(although W may think M was in a coma much longer than I do). I feel like it deserves a lot more time.

While the patient is in a coma you can get frustrated because it seems like you can't do anything to impact the state of things, but there are small things that people do. They try to coax the patient back to consciousness by talking to them or touching them. DB techniques can be viewed similarly - we do them and sit and watch for results. We may not get any visible results but we keep going in spite of the lack of perceived progress.

Still, the question remains: When to pull the plug? I think the answer for me will be when I fundamentally, deep-down know that I do not want to be with W any more. Right now, I don't want to be with W as she exists today, but she might 'wake up' some day and the wait will have been worth it. I am in the stage of starting to feel better about the prospects of the patient never waking up as a potential outcome, but it is not the outcome I want.

She doesn't show any signs of leaving, so I am thinking we could be in this coma-state for a while. On the other hand, she IS here in the house for now and I take some comfort in that since I have read about the difficult situations where the WAS leavs. The in-house separation is difficult to navigate, but I just need to leave her alone and not get bogged down in her emotional whirlwind.

My thoughts and prayers are turning more towards her now - she is going through something painful and I pray that she finds peace and happiness. IF she does, she just might realize that her happiness doesn't depend upon being D.