Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

So watch for her to get real angry and you thinking what did I do?

Interesting point Coach. After the fact yesterday I realized that for the first time (since the bomb?) we had that whole discussion about the R, and at no point during the discussion did she ever turn and criticize me. The whole discussion was "I'm not happy. I don't see any hope. I want to leave." There was NEVER in the whole discussion any "You Did...!" or "You always...!" or "You Never...!". I don't know whether it is good or bad, but it is a big change. I never got defensive, and during the whole discussion she never threw even a bit of blame in my direction.

Your other issue about her staying committed until Retro. Doesn't the Hendrix book talk about a "no exit plan" (or something like that) while undergoing his counseling. Could you modify something like that for you?

It does have that concept, and I thought it was a good idea. I'm not sure how to implement it. In the book it seemed to work best because it was imposed by a 3rd party (the C). I am not sure how to bring up and enforce a concept like myself.

I would like to mutually agree to a no-exit strategy until the end of the Retro program - including the follow-up weekends. Some aspects of that program would be VERY difficult for me to enforce or even bring up. The parts about No External R's, no filing for D, no meetings with Lawyers, etc until then would be easy. The Hendrix program also has each person identifying and closing off other methods of escape that they each have - travel schedules that enable them to avoid their spouse, girlfriends they run to to discuss the M rather than with their H, Hobbies that take them away from each other, etc.

Our C is in a position to do it, but he is really weak about things like that...a great listener, but not much of a "coach" and in no way a leader. My W also said last night that she doesn't really see the point in going to see him any more - just wants to wait until Retro and see what happens.