Hi kb, just to lift your spirits a bit. My H said he wanted back after a whole year of separation. I know you may feel that things are leading you to the divorce and I havent read your sitch, but 2 months of separation is... sorry to say, nothing!!
How did you use these 2 months to get closer to your goal? Sometimes we, LBS, get comfortable with the separation and "give up' because it is easier(we are all human after all) ,is this what is happening to you?
Has she talked about divorce yet? How are your interactions? do you make the best out of them? I remember the first months for us were very... business like. Slowly he would stay over when he picked the kids up for a coffee, then lunch, then lingered when he didnt have to etc etc. Of course there were times when he disappeared. But I was consistent and tried to be/look/act the best way I could. When he told me he wants to try again, he said he had noticed all the changes I went through.
So, if you love her, 2 months are just barely enough for the hard feelings to start fading. If you want your M, my suggestion is to start now with some serious DBing... I am sure you are calmer now and that allows you to think before you act and that is important. Good Luck K
Kalni, It's always so encouraging to see a post like yours. I see so many people giving up because there is no sign of change, and your example gives me a ray of hope that I'm not just deceiving myself, but that I do have the strength and resolve to stay the course and see a happy ending. Thank you.
Kalini, Thanks for the positive words, and perspective. Two months feels like a long time. I am also adding in some of the time from before the separation when I was trying to improve things.
During the separation time so farI have focused on myself, and taking care of myself. Lots of things to do like shopping for food, paying bills, etc.
She has openly talked about divorce for some time. But she has not done anything to move forward on that front.
Our interactions are either business like or full of conflict. The conflict comes from various areas. So the hard feelings have not completed faded.
She did ask if I want to go on a possible spring break trip with her and the kids. We went as a family on a spring break trip the last few years. I am considering it, but not really wanting to go for a variety of reasons. The reasons for not wanting to go on a spring break trip out of state include: it will not solve our problems when we have barely spoken much cost of travel work commitments because this was not planned and above all not wanting to go with her
Me: 41 W: 41 Married: 17 years Together: 19 years 16-Sept-2008: "W: I want to move out." 16-Jan-2009: Separated, wife moved out. 31-Mar-2010: W, and kids move back home! D 14 S 12 D 11 S 7
We all went as a family to watch a movie on Saturday. The movie was Monsters vs. Aliens. The movie was good, and it was good to see it as a family. The peacefully good will that had developed to allow the movie viewing was nice.
This good will was harmed by arguing the next day, Sunday between my wife and I.
It feels like one step forward, and then two steps back.
I do not want a divorce, but it feels like where we are headed.
Me: 41 W: 41 Married: 17 years Together: 19 years 16-Sept-2008: "W: I want to move out." 16-Jan-2009: Separated, wife moved out. 31-Mar-2010: W, and kids move back home! D 14 S 12 D 11 S 7
Late April Update. The separation is continuing. Asked W if she would go to counseling with me. She said she just wanted to get through the end of the school year (she is a teacher). I got angry because of this response, and fell into "more of the same." Not where I wanted to be, but just where I went with my emotions.
Me: 41 W: 41 Married: 17 years Together: 19 years 16-Sept-2008: "W: I want to move out." 16-Jan-2009: Separated, wife moved out. 31-Mar-2010: W, and kids move back home! D 14 S 12 D 11 S 7
Please reply to this post if you can. Nutshell update: Separated since January 2009.
I have been working on getting a life, and I am generally not miserable that she is gone, I miss my kids when they are gone (we share custody of them).
Wife and I are talking again but, she is not wanting to end separation. I have some patience for this but I will only wait so long.
Wife's female friend is a near constant companion. Wife and her female friend watch movies together, go out together, play sports together, etc.
I do not have a problem with my wife having friends, and even really close friends, but I feel this "friend" has become more than a friend to my wife. I am not implying anything sexual, because wife's friend is "happily" married herself.
I feel that my wife's close friendship is hindering our reconciliation, and probably contributed to our separation.
Please reply to this post if you can with any suggestions.
Me: 41 W: 41 Married: 17 years Together: 19 years 16-Sept-2008: "W: I want to move out." 16-Jan-2009: Separated, wife moved out. 31-Mar-2010: W, and kids move back home! D 14 S 12 D 11 S 7
Most definitely we all underestimate how often an EA is not with the opposite sex but can be a same sex friend, a cousin, a parent, etc. I'm not sure how you let her understand this relationships is draining her so she has nothing left for you. If she sits there and gabs with her gf about everything from what she got from the mall to not being able to make the bills this month, then there's nothing left for you. YOU are the one she should be having these conversations with.....if she can get there, I think it will improve your relationship.
