K4D Rising #4

[25yearsmlc]

You thought your d's were getting better? What can we possibly say to that? Get them enrolled in c, asap b/c now it's summertime. Does NOT Matter if YOU think "they're doing better" b/c 1) you don't know what is going on with them, as they won't and CAN'T tell YOU all their feelings; 2) they would need c in the best of circumstances as ALL kids do, and 3) nearly all judges want to see it and it'd look better for you to be the one making it happen, and finally, as for the choice of c, why didn't you like the other one? B/C they didn't address whether the divorce was right or wrong? That is not their job. The c's are there for the kids and getting them through the worst experience of THEIR lives....it is NOT their job to fix your M...

Choose a c that your kids are comfortable with. Not you, not your w,
but the kids. They're the ones who need to be helped. You can get your own c, and so can your w.

As for homeschooling, which I actually considered when we lived in Alaska, you can't figure out why that's impractical for you? ASIDE from your w wanting a divorce,...you cannot afford to homeschool. She earns more money and according to you, that is hugely important to her, and you said yourself that you don't earn enough to support your family just now. So, you are saying if only she'd quit her job, and stay home and become a teacher (without pay), then all would be well? And you don't see any other issues that could arise? Of course you can.

Why can't you tell the kids that it isn't practical EVEN IF you were together? It's not b/c of your w's choice to end the M...

The reality is that it is NOT EASY to homeschool and takes an enormous amount of patience on the parent's end AND the kids', and with two kids not the same age, or temperament, you'd be putting your wife into a sainthood category. Plus she likes her job or at least the life style it affords her. Not so fair and not so realistic or practical. So why not explain THAT to your d's? Oh and the fact that they would not see their friends? Or have a social life without a lot of extra work on your w's part b/c she'd have to take them everywhere to meet up with other kids, and their sports or art class or whatever other thing their schools offer, that they would lose with homeschooling...

Plus, for our family, even with all our schooling I'd be hiring a tutor (or 3) by the time the kids hit high school...so no, it's not the easy thing that kids think when they want "to be held more" so to speak.
Not all the problems in your kids lives are related to your w's choices or the divorce. Your kids increased needs are of course being affected by
the divorce, but they have to be addressed with c and whatever the c suggests, but Homeschooling? The desire for it may be due to the divorce but as a solution it is probably one of those things that won't fix your problems for reasons not related to the divorce. Explain that to the girls instead of sighing and lamenting, even if only to yourself. (Which I'm assuming was not shown to them, right?)

J-

PS Not having them in c at this point, after all these months, THIS is another example of what we mean when we say you don't listen or follow through or do what isn't comfortable for you. This situation is not about your comfort. This is a very good example of what we mean. I hope you wake up. Really soon.