driven under

[Jimbo]

Hey Jimbo, better words than I used. I think you hit it.

Thanks, B....

But I like your advice about this better than my description of it.

I'm sure T is following my drift?

Jimbo,

That's pretty darn close. I don't know how to not feel this way at this point. It's not a very good feeling, but hey, I felt this way up to last night too only less and I managed to set it aside and interact well with her.

I guess time will tell whether this is true or just a massivly sick cake eating experience.

Time for me to indulge in a little philosophical rumination....

This is a process. For both of you. Not only individually, but as a pair.

Something that a lot of us don't realize until we go through a growth experience like this is that, when you have a R/get M, there are three entities involved...

You, them, and "us".

It seems to me that our expectations when we first get together is that "the two shall be as one"- meaning that the two individuals joining will meld together, becoming this new identity, and losing their own individual identities in the process.

But notice that the term is NOT "the two shall be one"- to me, "the two shall be AS one" means that there is a third entity created out of the union- an "us"- that exists independently of "them" and "you".

So, not to put everybody to sleep here, all that I am trying to say is that, since "you" and "them" make up "us", is it so hard to see why working on yourself changes the "us"?

I think this concept is something many of us "see but...do not observe" (with apologies to Sherlock Holmes).

T, you have done/are doing the work. It also seems that your W has/is, as well. Even if your W had not, the "us" dynamic would still be evolving. Now, since the "us" dynamic is evolving (perhaps now twice as fast, compared to just one person working on themselves)......

It's in a major state of flux.

It's not positive, negative, good or bad.

It just is.

It's hard to balance on the fulcrum of the teeter-totter when the weight on either of the ends keeps shifting constantly- sometimes into radical new positions that you haven't experienced up to now.

But that is just what is needed here.

You have come this far, my friend. I have every confidence in you that you'll find your new balance point.

Just keep shifting....and moving forward.