I'm so glad you have talked with a DB coach. I have talked with coach Cheryl several times and her perspective is always so helpful. My sitch is almost the opposite of your in terms of contact. I talk to H everyday usually a couple of times when he calls to talk to S6. I try to be encouraging but brief. I also see him at least 3 days a week usually more as he lives close by and wants to see son. We do things together as a family and I always try to keep it light hearted and fun. Things usually go well as long as I have no exceptations but as soon as I call him on contact with OW who he had EA with, he retreats and it's like starting all over. Our sitch is a little different b/c I think he has come around in terms of wanting his family back, but just doesn't want to do the work to make it happen. He also hasn't made any attempt to connect with me in terms of time alone or physical contact. He needs treatment for addiction and he needs to stop contact with OW. I constantly question whether I should even be still hanging in, but for whatever reason, I still love him deaply and remember the 8 years together that we had that were good. We have been together for 15 years, married for 9. The first 8 were great then slowly went down hill. Now I know it was parially because he was doing cocaine for the last 7. He has 6 months clean off cocaine (something OW helped him with he says) but is still drinking. Not the life I imagined and I'm sure it's not the one he did either. I am a strong Christian and I definately believe that God has a plan, it's just hard to wait patiently and stay out of the way so that plan can be layed out.
