Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

Thanks Gardener,

I just had another follow up discussion with W over coffee - I initiated this one.

I wanted to discuss - in a mode of questioning and exploring the possibilities - how she would want to live in the case where we D. We live in an expensive town in an expensive area. We agree that we would want to live near each other so that we could share custody while the boys go to school - so we need to be near enough that they could do that from either of our houses. It would be impossible for us to have two houses in this town. There is also nothing which holds us to this part of the country - we both have more family in other areas.

We also realistically discussed that she would not be able to live on the spousal support she would receive, and would have to go back to work full time.

So we explored it a bit. Her job prospects are OK in this area, but not wonderful, and it would be REALLY hard for her to live on what she could earn plus what she would get in spousal support. Realistically it would make sense if we D, to move out of this house and away from this area completely to an area that has more of our families around, has a lower cost of living, and has better job prospects for her (I can move my job with me).

She was agreeing and talking, but was really upset by the thoughts brought up by the discussion. At one point she said "I would feel the worst about my friends, I mean our M is ending and that's sad, and our boys will be affected, but they will be OK, but my friends..."(and then, almost as if she were embarrassed by what she was saying) "(Toxic Divorced BFF) will be crushed!"

So it wasn't an argument or a fight, and I didn't push her on anything - just asked a few questions. She ended the discussion by saying in a very tired way "Well, maybe we should go (to this better cheaper more family place) and look around, see what apartments or townhouses are like"

I really wanted to make sure that she was thinking not only about running away, but also what she was running to. A D would be EXTREMELY disruptive to all of us, most particularly to her.

It also helps me to talk openly about it - how it would work, etc. I don't want it, but the more open we are, the less I fear it.