Cake eating WAW in MLC and EA part 2

[iwantittowork]

Couple comments for you Cabbr, from my perspective:

"Her stated objective is to not get a real job, but to continue as primary care giver. She has intentions of establishing a career a few years down the road, but views her mission in life as being a Mother to our children and doing all of the volunteer stuff that she has always engaged in with the school. She will look at me in bewilderment that I would be so selfish so as to hinder our boys’ development by placing obstacles in front of that rosy path. I don’t know how this will play with the courts."

My W has the same rosy picture for herself, wants to be an artist, go back to school, take care of our d8, take up rock climbing, diving, etc, etc.

I first thought the same way you did, but in speaking with both my L and the mediator, I have much better picture. First, she probably will think your putting obstacles in her path, but they are not obstacles from my point of view anymore. We need to do what's best for our kids and us, and that does not include her financial stability to go play, etc. outside of what our appointed financial obligations are. My L also said, judges for the most part would not go for that, where the W gets to play while the exH gets to pay for it. If she can support herself and do all those things then great! Have at it, but for her to expect you to support her financially to do so, is pure entitlement mindset on her part. My L told me most judges now a days will tell her to go get a job. (Not sure if that's truly the case, but I have to believe my L knows a bit more about this than I do..)

Our mediator pointed that out to my W when she viciously asked him who would pay for our d8's private school if the child support was not enough to support my W after divorce and the tuition? He politely told her that she may have to decide on public school then, and she was fuming mad.

My W’s whole demeanor around me is one of benign indifference. There is no vestige of a marital relationship. She is civil and even pleasant at times when we are around the kids, but she has joined an internet dating site and outwardly manifests an attitude of the friendly co-parent – as if that’s a normative state. She presented the issue of our getting divorced to the pediatrician as just another issue to address. For me it’s pretty weird. I guess I’m having a tough time with detachment today.

This is the same in my Sitch, and I have come to determine that she is completely detached from the MR and me, but without the Loving part of the detachment. We need to also get close to this point, but with the loving aspect still there. Also what makes it harder on us until we get to that point, as we still see everything in the sitch as "Us" When she sees it as "I"

One thing that burns me up, is that my W clearly does not value my role as a parent as being remotely equal to hers. When I was considering taking a job in an adjoining state and did not because I thought my kids would need me more than ever, her attitude was like – why? I’d be there for them. Totally dismissive of my relationship with them.

I also see this in my sitch. I believe this is BECAUSE they have lost respect for us, as a person, partner and a parent, and part of why they lost there 'love' for us.

Another reason why we need to make a stand for what WE want, and get that respect back for ourselves. N.U.T.S and No More MR. Nice guy are good places to start looking to yourself to get that back..