Cake eating WAW in MLC and EA part 2

[CABBR]

In making a decision with lasting consequences, I tend to look at issues from different angles and gather as much information before choosing a clear path. Prior to posting on the DB forum, I lurked around the MLC forum on Pathpartners.

Those guys are by and large really hard core when it comes to sticking it to the stbx. This is in the context of MLC, which may warrant that approach – 4 months into this and I don’t know enough to make that call. On PP forum it seems the default strategy is to torch the village and take no prisoners. Here the approach seems to be a little more compassionate – give tough love and demand respect but don’t be an a$$ about it.

In terms of my strategy, is it just to make sure I stand up for myself and my kids to get what I want? Or not make it easy for my W the entire way through? My stated objective on custody is 50%, so if my W is willing to concede on that issue in mediation – how do I play the rest of it?

Greek is saying give NOTHING and force the WAW to make the hard choices and be a grown up and for the LBS to stop enabling. That approach resonates with me on a lot of levels. I understand as Greek said that it forces the WAW to realize the cost to everyone involved and what the WAW is giving up. (My W will, of course, turn that around and say I’m the one causing the financial devastation by not compromising.)

Her stated objective is to not get a real job, but to continue as primary care giver. She has intentions of establishing a career a few years down the road, but views her mission in life as being a Mother to our children and doing all of the volunteer stuff that she has always engaged in with the school. She will look at me in bewilderment that I would be so selfish so as to hinder our boys’ development by placing obstacles in front of that rosy path. I don’t know how this will play with the courts.

At the same time, although I may be able to delay and obstruct the process to a certain degree by litigating – I can’t stop it completely. It will ultimately go forward. My L is on vacation until 8/10, so I’ll get a better feel for the legal aspects at that time.

The situation with my s9 complicates things too. I have to deal with my W on that issue. I’m not convinced that medication is the answer for him and want to make sure we are not hasty in that decision. I think there is an awful lot of room for growth and improvement in my son with more consistent parenting, but I see there are times when he struggles.

My W’s whole demeanor around me is one of benign indifference. There is no vestige of a marital relationship. She is civil and even pleasant at times when we are around the kids, but she has joined an internet dating site and outwardly manifests an attitude of the friendly co-parent – as if that’s a normative state. She presented the issue of our getting divorced to the pediatrician as just another issue to address. For me it’s pretty weird. I guess I’m having a tough time with detachment today.

One thing that burns me up, is that my W clearly does not value my role as a parent as being remotely equal to hers. When I was considering taking a job in an adjoining state and did not because I thought my kids would need me more than ever, her attitude was like – why? I’d be there for them. Totally dismissive of my relationship with them.

Cabbr