Divorce not busted 2

[Orich]

I plan on having a great time with my kids at their parties, I always look forward to those. I agree with you about the source of love you get from them. I have been trying to not pressure W, I will continue to do so. There will be a lot of work getting ready for and cleaning up after the parties. She arranged everything, so I will be sure to do the legwork on those days.
I am only really concerned about the Anniversary. I want to do something, because there is a chance she wants me to. I can't be positive, but I think maybe she wants me to reach out to her. If we are going to reconnect, maybe I should stop just waiting and try something, like an invitation to dinner or a flower or something.

[Orich]

I could use a few opinions:
Now that I know W might be conflicted, back and forth between avoiding me and texting that she might love me after all, what would be a good way to mark our anniversary without pursuing? I am leaning toward the dinner invitation. I would like to acknowledge that we produced 2 beautiful boys. What would be a DB appropriate action to take?
Thanks!

[K4D]

A dinner invitation would be pursuing. My 12 year anniversary is this weekend and I am just getting a card for my W and putting a picture of the girls in it and making it about them and what the M brought us. I am only signing it with my name and leaving it at that.

I was advised to do this from 25 and FaithfulH. So I am doing that. It is not pursuing, just recognizing the day for what it brought us.

Then I am going out to dinner with some friends for sushi after.

Kevin

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I think, since your wife IS -- albeit conflicted -- currently slated to go to Retro with you and to work on the marriage, it would be entirely appropriate to celebrate your anniversary. I just wouldn't do anything over-the-top, and I would NOT expect anything romantic, as you'll only set yourself up for possible disappointment.

I think a dinner reservation, perhaps even at "your" restaurant, with a simply-stated card (nothing too mushy or romantic) and nothing in the note that conveys any pressure or expectations ... either NO handwritten note inside, or something that just honors what you said above, would be great.

Puppy

[davidswife]

O,

Perhaps a card, enclose a pic of your children, and write a note that this day is special because it was the beginning of your family and your wonderful children.

May be something like that wouldn't be pressuring?

[Gardener]

I could use a few opinions:
what would be a good way to mark our anniversary without pursuing? I am leaning toward the dinner invitation. I would like to acknowledge that we produced 2 beautiful boys. What would be a DB appropriate action to take?
Thanks!

O, I can only share what I did after mulling it over and aking for advice here for my anniv. last month. I just acknowledged it with a card (of course, my sitch is different). I chose a simple Thank You card. Blank inside where I wrote "Wishing you warm memories this weekend. Always, Gardener." ("Weekend') because it was a double anniversary of day we met/day we wed.

And then I ran away to the Adirondacks for the weekend
Do what's in your heart in a helpful, healthful way.

[Orich]

Thanks for the ideas. I think I will invite her to dinner, and a card with the kids is a good idea. When I bring up the dinner, should I explain that it might be good for us to do something alone together, or something along those lines, or not say anything at all. I don't expect anything romantic at this point. Should I mention that? The only reason I thought of these things is that if she thought I was trying to pressure her back into the M, or even bed her, she might decline. But if I assured her it was just a couple of hours alone away from everything else, maybe she would be more receptive?

[Gardener]

When I bring up the dinner, should I explain that it might be good for us to do something alone together, or something along those lines, or not say anything at all. I don't expect anything romantic at this point. Should I mention that? The only reason I thought of these things is that if she thought I was trying to pressure her back into the M, or even bed her, she might decline. But if I assured her it was just a couple of hours alone away from everything else, maybe she would be more receptive?

First, what are your answers to these questions?

[Orich]

My answers are this:
If she is questioning whether or not to stay in the marriage, then I think some time alone together is a good idea. I am willing and able to view it as just that, the 2 of us spending time together alone away from the stressors of everyday life. Let her see how she feels about me then. I won't lie, I hope it leads to us back together, but I don't want to push her. I want her to want to be in the M because she loves me and wants to be with me, not because of the kids, or the house, or finances.
Would I like to make love to my wife again? What do you think? But I have gone without for this long. Waiting it out longer won't kill me.
Like I said, if I make it known to her these things, it might take pressure off of her, and let her say yes to just enjoying the dinner together.

[Gardener]

O,

and let her say yes to just enjoying the dinner together.

This last line stands out.

What if you didn't make all these things known to take the pressure off her. Or rather did make it known (understood) by not saying them and simply asking her if she "would say yes to us just having dinner. Together. Period."

Just a thought.

Oh, and

Would I like to make love to my wife again? What do you think?

If you asked this question before, I missed it. I would never ask any man in our sitches such a dumba$$ question