Changing Man

[Gardener]

Well time to leave. I'd tell Mac, but he's asleep by now.

Lurked around this theatre (see above posts) a bit more in between icing my knee this evening. I Injured it this morning (either that or someone somehow slipped a softball inside it).

Wifey's post made me pause, though I didn't respond on her thread, yet. She had a realization that H feels the same way she does: not loved non-judgmentally for who one is and just the way one is. This evoked feelings of love for him in her. That's tough to do in her/my/our/all of our situations. I don't really do it that much - love my wife unconditionally in my heart - anymore, if at all. I should. Because deep down I still do. That feeling's been buried by hurt right now.

Then my mind took an unexpected detour and I found myself thinking of something MC said early on; "She's in a tremendous amount of emotional pain and very confused." In my early posts I repeated that often in describing my friend because it's true and also to keep it foremost in my mind. I've forgotten lately to do that. But tonight it struck me why I probably used that phrase often, why it resonated so; Because I am in a tremendous amount of emotional pain and very confused.

What else? I worked w/S, 30 today. He works with/helps me 1-2 days a week. I cherish the unexpected gift of spending this much time with him at his age.

I had a good detached morning, but something woke up Snake #27 in my head and I had a couple of hours of "She &%^$in' left me!" monologs and dialogs swirling in my head. Usual tricks and strategies to quash it were unsuccessful this go 'round. Wifey's post would've helped silence it, I bet.

Oh, well. Like my IC said, depite progress in many areas, the heart lags.

Wish it would catch up.

Good night.