Newly Separated and Heartbroken

[ALJ]

My H and I will have been separated for 3 months on the 1st of August. I can't believe it has been that long. He went back home to Georgia on this Monday after being here for our daughters birthdays (they are a year and a day apart). The 5 days that he was here went okay. He slept on the floor in my bedroom every night. When I questioned him about it, he said that his back was bothering him. Come to find out that he didnt sleep in the bed because it would make it seem like everything is okay with us and it is not. I guess I could understand that but I was a little hurt also.

The girls birthday party went okay. I still had not told my family about our separation so my family was talking to him like everything was okay with between him and I. They were asking him things like "so, when is your wife and kids going to join you down south?" This made him uncomfortable and the next day he asked me why hadn't I told my family about our separation.(He told his family as soon as it happened) I told him that I didnt want the atmosphere to be strained and uncomfortable for him at the party and I didnt want to hear anyone talking about him negatively. He took it as maybe me not acknowledging the situation for what it is or maybe me holding out hope that things are going to get better so why bother telling my family. Maybe in the back of my mind this was the truth.

Well, that one question led us into a relationship talk and it really wasnt productive. There was no arguing but I was trying too hard to make him see my point of view on why our marriage went downhill. And then when he started making statements like "maybe there is someone out there for me" and "what am I supposed to do if I come across someone that I feel a connection with?" and "the feeling of being in love and showing affection should come naturally and not be forced.", it made my stomach churn and I felt like passing out (but didn't show it.) I told him that I could not control his actions and that I could only control my own actions. He knows that I dont support this separation and if any legal action is taken, he would have to initiate it.

From the looks of it, my H seems to know what he wants. Sometimes I wonder if it is too late for us as he says he had emotionally left the marriage 5 years ago and does not want to work on the relationship. Of course I do not feel this way about him or I would not be divorce busting. I love him but I hate this situation (and sometimes him too) I can truly say that I have not fully detached from him.