New Post for Wifey

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

hope you are doing terrific KelliJo.

I will be praying for the exciting job oportunity, for you and for H abd loved ones.

oh and btw ..if you think of it, tell that VA Beach sis of our's to stop pestering me on FB and keeping me up way past my bed time ..lmao.

EXCUSE ME!!!

I believe it was you who started that Chat last night!

Butthead!!

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[The Wifey]

Wifey,

I challenge anyone reading this - Can you write out a similar list? Can you look past the hurts and the negatives, and write out what you are grateful to your spouse for?

I accept.

Aw, dammit, Wifey, every time I write a couple more down, I start to cry.

Oh, I should have warned you about that. I cry EVERY time I work on the list.

[The Wifey]

Hey, how come there have only been 3 men and 0 women to take the challenge? Ooops, that is only 1 woman. My Sis in VA already started her list.

[confusedinpa]

Now that I have applied for an awesome opportunity, career job, he seems to be more relaxed. His eyes were as big as saucers when he saw the canvas letter I received in the mail. For civil service, they canvas the eligible candidates in case some of them would not want to be appointed to a certain location, or at the salary offered.

The Wifey

Best of luck to you with the opportunity. I'm sure it was difficult at the time, but the forced "vacation" may be the distraction you need in this crazy situation we are in. I know it was for me.

Take care

[The Wifey]

Journaling:

I had a weird thought pattern today. I was thinking about our letters back and forth just before and just after we married, while he was in basic training and tech school. The thought hit me so strongly that he had loved me then just the way I was.

I wasn't judged, fallen short of any expectations, I was loved just the way I was.

I sat in my car and had some tears while I was thinking about how much it hurt that he didn't just love me the way I was. It hurt so much and it felt like a huge weight.

I thought about how he'd been with our son. So hard on him and so strict. He had a hard time balancing discipline with affection and showing his love.

Then it hit me - the way I was feeling and hurting was exactly how my H was feeling. H wanted to be loved without being judged, being okay just the way he was and loved without being judged.

I realize so much has happened over the years of our m that he just figured that opportunity of loving just because we did was gone.

Yes, part of the mess we are in is his "stuff" but it is also my "stuff." Where I was looking at this as he needs to deal with his "stuff" it is back to me not being able to control or change him. I need to deal with my own "stuff" and just love him as he is.

I am even judging his parenting style. My C and I have talked about the difference in parenting styles. We both came to the conclusion that maybe, had I backed off a little and not intervened, My H and my S could have come to a point of balance.

H was probably harder on my S because I tried to get in the middle, where if I'd not done that, they may have gotten to some points of understanding.

That isn't to say he was always right. It is to say that we should have talked, come to decisions together, been in agreement on some more points.

We are both at fault in that not happening more.

I pray every day for my H, my M and my S. Today I pray that I can just love. No judgments, no condemnation, no shifting the blame. I pray I can deal with my "stuff" and leave him to deal with his, and just love.

[K4D]

Don't mean to hijack,

Can you take a look at my post tonight and advist me how to answer D7's statement?

Kevin

[mindfull]

Wifey... you have me crying here! Stop it!

OK, I'll work backwards on your post...

"H was probably harder on my S because I tried to get in the middle, where if I'd not done that, they may have gotten to some points of understanding."

I interfered for YEARS in the R between my H and my D18. They had some highs and lows, but some pretty stressful times in the middle school years. Funny, about the start of high school, I started to stay out of it. The two of them now, are so close now. He's truly an amazing Dad to her.

Sooooo, I hear ya on that one!

"Then it hit me - the way I was feeling and hurting was exactly how my H was feeling. H wanted to be loved without being judged, being okay just the way he was and loved without being judged."

This is what made me cry. I never gave much thought to this aspect of "us." I sit here, alone, in a marriage, waiting to be noticed again, and touched again. For years, after our boys were born, I know he felt the same way. I wasn't a cold fish or anything, just "busy." Thought there would be time for that stuff later... GOD!

Thanks for this. Truly.

[K4D]

Wifey,

I think that is beautiful. Wow. It is quite profound. It sounds like it must have been a hard day for you emotionally. Ultimately that is what love is. To love and not judge. Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. But true love can survive any of them. Things will get better. It sounds like there is a lot of reflection and thought being put into this and it will only improve the situation going forward I believe.

Kevin

[The Wifey]

(((Mindblank))) & (((K4D)))

You are welcome my friends. And actually it wasn't a hard day. This revelation came very quickly in the thought process. It was sad for a bit and then it was like, Wow. Even now I am sitting here thinking about how I feel and ignoring his feelings.

If I truly love him, then I just have to love.

More profound than anything. I guess I am learning and growing. It feels good to be able to silently work things around in my head so I understand them.

[The Wifey]

Don't mean to hijack,

Can you take a look at my post tonight and advist me how to answer D7's statement?

Kevin

Heading there now.