BND - I need to clear something up. I'm fine with my divorce from my first husband. I have no regrets over the divorce. My regret is that I didn't obey God. There is a huge difference. I stood for my first marriage for almost four years (3 years and 10 months) before I let go. I feel like I did all that I could humanly do. And that's the key. Human versus God.
I'm so glad that my ex husband is no longer my problem. AND I don't want to go back to that relationship.
When I see my husband now I see a child that was abandoned at a very young age - before the age of 7. That's who I imagine him to be and God needs me to love that person. Not the man who hasn't healed. God needs me to love the 7 year old and that's what I do.
Yes, there is pain and I want it to go away. But I'm learning that it won't go away until the little boy is healed. When he's healed I may not want the man that he has become, I know that, but until that happens I can't deal with it so I try not to dwell on it.
I take each day as it comes. I am a planner. Every time I try to plan something in my life...God has a way of changing things. I have just come off of a three month illness and still have a long way to recover. I will never completely recover unless God decides to heal me completely. My husband was there for me. I can't say that he was there for me completely but he was there for me more in this than he was last year at my mother's funeral.
The OW was diagnosed with breast cancer last August/September. He told me that he wanted to help her through it. I don't know how long he plans on helping her "through it" but if he needs to do that he needs to do that. She has helped him in other times of his needs.
Three years ago he told me he wanted a "female best friend" to go to bars with and get drunk. Well, now he has an "ugly" female best friend to go to bars with. When he wants me the "cute" female best friend to go to the bars with him...I will be here. He's the only man I have ever hung around in bars with. I'm hoping that was a phase that goes away when he's through with his MLC.
As far as having my husband home with me. It was the same way with my ex for 2 1/2 years. The difference there is that my ex wouldn't/didn't do things with me. My husband helps around the house, pays the bills now - he stopped for about a year, things are just so much better than they were even a year ago. First he started taking care of the house, then he started paying attention to the animals, now I understand that he wants to mend things with my daughter who still lives at home with us, and he is slowly mending relationships with some of his old friends. He hasn't made amends with my dad yet but he asks me about my dad almost every evening that we watch tv together. I think I see that things are slowly improving but I know that this could go on for another several years.
When you see things improving it helps you to think that maybe what you are doing is working.
Well, now he has an "ugly" female best friend to go to bars with. When he wants me the "cute" female best friend to go to the bars with him...I will be here. He's the only man I have ever hung around in bars with. I'm hoping that was a phase that goes away when he's through with his MLC. 