Well my W left her computer available for me to find today. Her search history had engagement rings and female birth control on it. Fun, I have been snipped, it's not for me!
Yeah, I do. It was the only thing on her search history. A little too convenient. Still effing BS! She had some lame ass excuse about the rings, too stupid to even remember what it was. I could buy the excuse on the BC, her cycle irregular, that is true, but c'mon, at the same time as all this BS, I don't buy that. I know it was left for me!
I know I was set up and I took the bait, hook, line and sinker.
It struck my emotions, and I clearly did not think straight at first. I followed my first reaction, and now I gave her back some power. I am closer and closer to switching my strategy to Plan FU. I can't tollerate this BS, and she is burning bridge after bridge with every person who has ever been a part of her life. I ordered CheckMate, and I am feeling a 100% of what the results are going to be. If I am right, it will be yet one more lie that I have been being told,AGAIN!
I have not had any sort of reaction like that in a while. I think the thing that set me off was googling of engagement rings. WTF, we are not even close to finaling a D yet. My end game as of right now, I am thinking that I may just retain that L and file myself next week. Until tonight I was doing pretty good with just living "as if". Not questioning things, lettting everything be, actually helping her with getting out in a civil manner. Now I am in a tailspin, feeling that crash landing coming up for myself real soon.
Because I have not given up, she says she is done and with her mentality it would be easier if I would give up and let go. But she is so back and forth lately I couldn't tell you where her mind is. She doesn't keep from telling me that she wants the divorce and the waiting to see after she moves out is just simply because I had recommended it for both of us. Right now, I am backing off of filing myself now that I am calming down, venting here and writing back and forth is calming my mind. But I know it will be a sleepless night again.
