Wow....unbelievable. So much just happened, I don't know if this was good or bad. I let everything go.....I was just open and myself. There wasn't a negative moment.
She was here for over an hour and a half. She looked good, very healthy, full of life just like she used to.
I had no intentions of her coming inside. She wanted to see the dog and the cat so I welcomed her in. She played with them and commented how they looked so different. Her eyes were watery.
We played with the kids, laughed together,shared funny stories, flirted, talked about family members and our kids, you name it.
I joked with her because she was scoping the house out like a hawk. We laughed about it. I said I don't get to do that at your place.
She then invited me over to her place. I was stunned.....Still am. WTF!
I'll admit I was nervous, not much has changed here. She said you still have my flower pictures up. I said yep, not much has changed really, I am comfortable and happy with everything in here, and I'd rather pay off bills or spend my money on doing things that matter. She was shocked.
She said "See!! Why couldn't you have been that way before??!!! I smiled and said, well I guess it's better late then never huh? She just stared at me with a grin of disbelief.
On four different occasions after something would come up or happened she stared at me with her jaw dropped and said "you were never like that!" I smiled and simply said I realize now what's important and what's not. She also said two more times, "why couldn't you have been this way before?" with a smile. She said, How come we were both so uptight? Here eyes were watery again. I said, I don't know? Strange isn't it?
She flirted with me a freakin ton. I don't know if this was good or bad but I did it back. I was myself, I couldn't help it. She looks beautiful.
We talked a lot, we had so much eye contact. She said she is heading about 30 min. away from Dullus to see an old friend from school. She is married and I like her a lot. She said "yeah I haven't seen her since our wedding. I can't wait to meet her husband too, and I just need to get away from at all for a while." I said yes you do, this is very good for you and I'm glad your doing this. I also spoke a little of a few good friends and the trip I took. No worries Mach and Jim, I didn't go into details. I told her to ask her friend to take her to the mall in Tyson's Corner. Jimbo keep your eyes peeled. LOL
She also spoke of how she went camping,skiing,tubing and other things she would NEVER do. I was very surprised and encouraging.
She looked me right in the eye and and smiled and said "we both have grown so much." I agreed and said yes we have.
It came time for her to leave I walked her outside as she talked about her new car. She said her payments are actually cheaper than her old one. The damn door squeaked so bad when she opened it though. I asked her if she would like me to fix it. She said Sure. I did.
Beore she got in her car we both paused, I gave her a hug. I said "this is strange isn't it? A good strange, but strange. She agreed.
She said, "Everything happens for a reason right?" I said, I guess so. She said, "we are going to be ok trapt." She then started to jokingly dance a little while singing "You gotta have faith, faith, faith!!"
I fought the urge sooo bad to ask her what she meant by that. I didn't. I just laughed instead.
She said she would be calling this weekend. She said my daughter wants her to call her. I'm just gonna go with it. I said...okay.
I honestly cannot tell you how I feel right now.....It's a mix of everything I guess.
She told me I looked good, "you have gained your wieght back."
She then asked "do you still have your ring?" I said yeah, I think it's around here somewhere." She said " you don't even know where it's at??" I danced around this a bit.
I asked her, What about you? "I still have it, it's in my jewelery box. I'm keeping it."
Guys and gals.... I had to sell my ring to pay for daycare.
I'm sorry, you all can tell me not to be spinning my wheel right now, but all I ask is that you please try to understand that at the moment I can't help it.
Really, not feeling happy at all that is was so positive?
Ok, if you say so.
I think you are probably feeling a lot of things. Confused, a little anger as in why the hell is she doing this now and why didnt she give us a chance, scared. How am I doing?
Look, all valid feelings. This is all crazy stuff, beginning, middle, end and everything in between.
Thats why its best if you dont try to figure it out and you just live your life. Just let it be. Go with it. See where it goes, ya know?
There are no decisions you have to make right now, no action you have to take.
Just accept that right now she is reaching out a bit, and you are willing to be open.
