In Limbo

[sandi2]

How are you doing today? I noticed this in your signature line and wondered what you mean:

status in limbo while wife works on herself

I know how hard it is to "act" happy when you aren't. Never was very good at doing that, however, I did learn that I could do more than I was often willing to. Don't we control our emotions when we are on the job? Don't we put on a certain face to wear before the public? Sure we do! We all have to have a place we can "let down" from time to time, but for the most part, we could try harder to not allow negative feelings to show....expecially in front of our kids. Maybe each day you feel so sad, you could make it your goal to see if you could go one hour longer than you did the last time you were trying to conceal your sadness in front of your children. What if you were in a reality show? Oh boy!
Now that is something to think about!
I'm sure I don't have to tell you how smart kids are. I think that a lot of them worry when they see their parents unhappy or fighting b/c of so many people they know divorces. They see it on TV, movies, their friends have D parents, etc., and I think it scares them and they begin to feel insecure b/c of their parents. Maybe remembering that will help you hold out for another hour longer....next time you are showing sadness.

You spoke some about how she feels you are controlling....and you talked about how she runs up the credit cards, etc., but do you think you are controlling? When you or she says "controlling", do you mean strickly in the finance area or every part of the R? Other than simply giving in to whatever she wishes to have, what could you do that would show you are NOT controlling?

You were speaking about her spending and the idea of her working and you suddenly threw this in the middle:

She says that she hasn't grown up

Then you said she wants to be able to buy a new floor without you. I'm not sure I get the connection. Do you mean that is what "growing up" means to her?

She grew up in an old italitan family where the father paid for everything just so he didn't have to hear her complain. She bascially got everything she wanted. She also has a terrible temper. I suppose this was inevitable

I understand "spoiled" women (like in "b*tchty" spoiled women)......and there is NOTHING good about spoiled women! Nothing! But, are you saying that it was inevitable that she had a bad temper b/c she's Italitan or b/c she's spoiled? She probably got away with having tempter tantrums when she was a girl at home with her parents.....another sign of being spoiled. Being Italitan, however, is no excuse....and don't let her use it for one. Everyone could use their culture, heritage, background, etc. as an excuse for a bad tempter. I tell you what, I think all bad temptered spoiled brats needs a good lesson in manners and since you are the man....don't you think you could teach her how a proper young lady should act? Better late than never. The next time she pitches a fit, ask her if she has any idea how very unattractive she is when she does that. The only reason she "continues" to behave badly is b/c you "allow" her to behave badly. Think about that. I don't believe you are very controlling....or you would be controlling how she behaves. Besides, you can count on having children acting like that if she gets away with it.

I just never saw it coming.

What did you not see coming?

You spoke about your W's tough love. I don't see that as tough love.....that is no compassion! We seldom understand what it's like to suffer what somebody else has until we have to go through it ourselves. One of my kids had a problem with sleeping and b/c he would sleep during the daytime, I thought he had his days/nights mixed up. I fussed about it and would tell him if he stayed up long enough without sleep that he would finally "have" to fall off to sleep. Well, I did not understand about insomnia. Then guess what happened? Years later, I experienced it for myself.....and still have it. I was wrong, b/c you don't necessarily fall off to sleep just b/c you've been up for two or three days! Until I experienced it for myself, I did not understand what my child had went through. Someday, she may have to suffer from the same experience. I have also discovered that people who have not had much sickness in their life, are not always the most compassionate people b/c they simply don't have a clue as to what it's like to be ill. I found it interesting that she's all about tough love, but then she got everything she wanted from her daddy! Hummm, bet it would be a different story if she was the one sick. Make sure she does not say anything to put you down in a negative attitude in front of your children......ESPECIALLY if/when you are sick. There is no excuse for a wife to do that and she needs to be put in her place if she does it.

Well, I ramble too, so we should make a talkative pair...lol. Check on you later.