Divorce not busted 2

[25yearsmlc]

Orich,

I assume you are getting the book "The FIVe Love Languages" soon? It's very good.

Two other comments/questions. Like I say, no mother is unmoved by loving interactions with her kids and their father, so enjoy being a dad without looking for a reaction. Almost as if you forgot she's there, but without dissing her. KWIM? Really BE THE BEST DAD YOU CAN BE ASAP AND KEEP IT UP as it cannot but help no matter what. And I believe it softens a woman's heart more than she'd care to admit right now. Second -the hair brushing..YES and let me add something else and ask you and all the men out there a question-

I had a back surgery a few years back and I'm functioning fine now. No crippling effects or anything like that, but for several months it hurt like HELL and often still does. But I can DO all that I need to do with maybe 2 days a month of pain that slows me down. No big deal.

But at the time of the surgery, the physical therapist showed me things "my partner" was supposed to massage to help my nerve damage and recovery, etc. and I almost laughed out loud. As if my h could possibly rub my back, or feet for that matter, and NOT have it lead to ML...(and for a several weeks ML was out of the question post surgery) and h would rub my back and the back of my legs for at MOST 3-4 minutes before nodding off. To this day, he cannot give me a back rub without it leading to sex, for more than 2 minutes. I think I'm being literally accurate with that.

What's up with that guys? I have to say that a back rub, or a foot rub, or brushing my hair WITHOUT an immediate "are you ready to ml NOW??" would be so wonderful..in fact it probably would actually feel like foreplay -- if it weren't meant to be, but was for my benefit only..does this make sense? I mean, THEN I'd probably roll over and say how good that felt and "give us both our turn" etc etc.

Just tossing that in and hope it's not a hijack. But, Is touching a w without it leading to ML and knowing it won't, just too boring for you or too frustrating or what?

I don't mean to offend men with that question, but I have a ton of girlfriends who say the same thing. Can't get touched for long, without it leading to ML or it just ends fast...yet, Won't there come a time in all our lives when we are 80, or 100 (for us it'll be after we're `100 of course) when all we'll be able to do is touch for comfort?

Why not practice just a little now? It'd surely feel safe to her IF she believed it could happen Orich. It's so nice to be hugged and touched and not think it has to lead to ML when it's not in our mood or head or the kids are still awake and 5 feet away, or something is going on in our heads and if we could just relax a bit, FIRST, and I'm talking a good 10 minutes of just comforting touch, I think it'd do wonders for lots of marriages.

J-