A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Bravehardt]

Dia

I'm in southwest riverside county. Not to faraway.

Sound like your DBing is working very well.

Have a good night.

[mac-ct]

Just popped in to catch up Brave,

I see what you mean.

Yow.

Stay strong together.

Mac

[givingitmyall]

A certain smoldering look en passant.

Playfulness - childlike palyfulness even, like peeking at him shyly (on purpose) from around a corner.

A direct invitation.

Certain suggestive touches. Nothing too graphic, but a certain way of tracing the fingertips along his arm or the curve of his neck.

Definitely certain outfits.

A certain perfume or two.

Certain music - which is why I was making such a big deal about that CD.

Dia, you know what to do. Thise things would definitely work for me. One of our big problems was W hardly ever initiated. I have read on the sex starved marriage forum, and that was at work in our M.

[Dia]

I am going back down south today to attend to things there and give H his space back for several days. I have an interview back up here on Weds. and I'm hoping that by the time Weds rolls around, there will be more than one interview.

H gave me a surprisingly warm good-bye hug. It was full body, tight and not reserved at all. He didn't try to end it before I was ready and one of his hand reached up to cup the back of my head and press me to him. It was very much the sort of hug where I would have kissed him and if I'd thought we were ready, I would have. As it is, tho - I decided to play a little hard to get so I didn't.

He initiated the hug, so that means one of my goals for this trip was fully met. He initiated a hug in the sitch where he said OW's name, but that one felt guilt-motivated so I wasn't sure if that met my goal or not. Not trying to be difficult here, but if the goal was for him to initiate an affectionate touch - does a guilt hug count? If it does, then I got two.

I had four goals for this trip, and they were:

1) H indicates with words, actions or facial expressions that he's happy to see me. (Not met, but maybe I just need to look harder.)

2) H initiates interactions with me - talking, phone calls, emails. (Met - several times, several ways.)

3) H invites me to do something even if just a movie on the couch. (Met - he invited me to breakfast at the D-'s.)

4) H initiates affectionate touch. (Met - a touch on the shoulder and one awesome hug.)

Three outta four ain't bad. In fact, it's pretty darn good!

Next time, I think I need to set some goals for things *I* will do as well. This trip I concentrated on raising the level in his love buckets, and I think I did an excellent job. He even got all warm and gooey toward me at times. Note to self: those are NOT times to push. Just let him experience the gooeyness and marvel at it. Let it sink in. If I push then, he will feel pressured and decide I have ulterior motives.

[Dia]

Note to self for next time - it is a turn on for H when I am wearing longish, peasant-style skirts, my belled ankle bracelet and bare feet. Next time, I am going to give myself a pedicure and paint my toenails. I've never done that before - ever. With the bare feet, it will be really noticeable and H might really like it. Will probably paint my fingernails to match.

[Dia]

I'm headed out for the long drive home. I'd like to offer a hearty thank-you to everyone who's supported me while I was here. There were some bumps and struggles for me, but I guess that's normal and overall it was a great trip.

I am considering not contacting him except for absolutely necessary stuff in between now and my next visit. I would like to see if he initiates contact.

Any thoughts?

[mac-ct]

Dear Dia, you are doing great girl.

I'd be after you if I wasn't already spoken for

Hang on a little bit. Wait patiently. Do what you've been doing.

I'm jealous of your progress

Hugs, prayers and all good things to you and yours.

Mac

[Dia]

Hi, folks!

Made the drive safely, stopped off at the local casino for free food and free money, got groceries and am now remembering why I don't like the desert. It's 40 degrees hotter than where I was this morning!

Thanks for the hugs and prayers Mac. I'll take all of those that I can get.

Oh, and H emailed me at 3:17 this afternoon, though it was just a note about health insurance.

[givingitmyall]

Dia,

Glad you made it back safely.

Keep in mind this is a long journey. You are making progress. Just be patient. If you knew me, you would laugh that I'm telling you to be patient. That's one of the things I have had to work on.

[Fallgirl]

Gee, girl, I`m am so jealous of your progress! Esp with the whole playfulness business!

Sigh!(tis a bleak place in this playfulness wilderness!!)

Enjoy your few days with you and Best of Luck with those interviews!