I want my Monkey and Sheep Back

[beepee]

Beepee, you scare me a little when you mention the adorable old man in The Shawshank Redemption. That story-line had a tragic ending.

It scares me too. I felt like him yesterday. I wanted that ending so I just wouldn't have to feel this pain anymore. But I know that's not the way to go. It's just an easy way out, and it's running away from my problems .. for good. I feel like my H is running away from our problems and has issues with talking about how he feels and instead just ignores them and walks away without a care for anyone else but himself. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to leave this world without thinking how it would affect my family and friends. I wouldn't walk away from them like H did to me. That is not me, that's not who I want to be.

I think it's a good thing you have stopped thinking about H (detaching). You've been doing a lot of good things for yourself lately.

I'm happy that I've detached a bit but I'm scared that I actually don't care anymore, that right now, I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore. Maybe thats a good thing, its becomes easier to detach once you don't care. Not that I don't care about him, I do. I just don't care where this ends up now. I'm just so sick of everything that I want to be rid of it. But that's just how I feel now, I might feel different later. But to be quite honest, I'd rather feel this way because its easier to detach. I don't want to go back to feeling extremely needy and snooping. I like that I don't want to know what he's doing, who he's with, what he's up to. I like not caring right now. I want to care for myself. I desperately need it.

When our mind is hurt, we need to give it quiet time to heal too.

This is my quiet time..