In Limbo

[25yearsmlc]

Start thinking about the 180's very hard. You may be seen as controlling about money and if you told her to get a job, that may have felt demeaning to her. I say this from experience. I'm a lawyer and my h is a doctor and as his hours became so ridiculous and I was doing everything at work and at home, I finally got pneumonia during a pregnancy and realized how insane our life had become. I quit my job with the 3rd pregnancy, and supposedly with his blessing. Then he resented my not earning "my share" and put down the sacrifice I had made in staying at home and putting my career aside (a sacrifice that was well worth it so I am not complaining about the choice, but HIS attitude, when it suited him).

It became a power struggle about whoever earned money apparently got to choose the flooring IF ANY new flooring were to be purchased and where we were to live, even if I HATED the place and it sucked for my career, and as my resentment grew I naturally thought about going back to work though the kids were all young....But as a c told me, "If you go back to work to 'prove something to your h', your kids suffer" so I waited. And it was one of several issues for us, and since we are reconciled as you can see by my signature, there are success stories here. But it was a long tough road and staying on track is not picnic either. But your comment about money and then telling her to get a job versus staying at home hit a chord in me I guess. Here's what I saw my bil do with my sister that I LOVED...

At HIS promotion ceremony, he presented HER with flowers and thanked her for being a SAHM and "doing the hardest & most important job in the world"...I cried and boy did HE get points for that comment. My h picked up big time on that. I hope he knows my bil MEANT it b/c he really does.

So, that's all I have for now, b/c you have the books and you are lining thru the things NOT to do again....she will notice but remember this,
Time + the changes she sees in you = Her coming to trust that the changes are real.

Don't report in 2 days that "nothing has worked!" b/c your timeline must be realistic. My h was gone about 2 years full time, so....get your seatbelt on and make some changes, This is NOT all about her. And that is good news b/c you have no control over her, only YOU so work on YOU and GAL.

What are your 180's and what are your GAL activiities? Also, don't believe she never liked you. That's unattractive neediness AND it's a lie. You think she's the world's best actress? Then she should come to Hollywood and you can say "BRAVO! You had me fooled all these years..." She is trying to convince herself of this. In the meantime, lovingly interact with the kids as much as possible b/c NO woman is unmoved by that. Do the 180's, GAL, etc.

Good luck,

j-