Thanks for the ecouragement. Karen, I think you are so right that H must have been shocked to hear that I went. In fact, he kept saying that I must havve gone with some guy even though I told him I went with my girlfriend. He had left me a message when I was in the movie but I didn't listen to it until yesterday and his message was: Sorry i didn't come through, I know you must be mad. Tell me this guy doesn't know EXACTLY what he's doing. In a way it's kinda sick adn demented... he insists on coming with me and then purposely stands me up. But I know its his own sick play for power. If you think that was handled well, get this... he said next week he will make it up and make the arrangements. I plan on not bringing it up to him - it was his promise right. But either in the movie or after he will hear that I went to a movie again.
You know guys, I really think all this insight is coming from not just you guys but all the books I'm reading like DB, the Tao, inner peace, relationships, etc. But I get so scared of going back to the way I was with H having these big arguments and no peace in the home. I don't want to be that person anymore. This weekend we had a brief moment of one of those arguments and it scared me. I went and toke a break in the back yard and then calmed down, and H and I actually worked it out after. I want to own my feelings but I no longer want to be an emotional basketcase.. you what I mean. Affairs are so emotionally stressful and then we (meaning me) get accustomed to that level of stress and I just don't want that anymore. The galing has done me well, and I just want to enjoy my life now no matter what H and crazy ow throw at me.
By the way, it was so cool last night that when I called H back he was spending time with his son and in the past I would have felt slightly bothered/hurt to hear that, and I was actually ok/somewhat happy to hear that. H even put him on the phone to say hi.. he doesn't know me but it was kinda nice.
