A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

I am going back down south today to attend to things there and give H his space back for several days. I have an interview back up here on Weds. and I'm hoping that by the time Weds rolls around, there will be more than one interview.

H gave me a surprisingly warm good-bye hug. It was full body, tight and not reserved at all. He didn't try to end it before I was ready and one of his hand reached up to cup the back of my head and press me to him. It was very much the sort of hug where I would have kissed him and if I'd thought we were ready, I would have. As it is, tho - I decided to play a little hard to get so I didn't.

He initiated the hug, so that means one of my goals for this trip was fully met. He initiated a hug in the sitch where he said OW's name, but that one felt guilt-motivated so I wasn't sure if that met my goal or not. Not trying to be difficult here, but if the goal was for him to initiate an affectionate touch - does a guilt hug count? If it does, then I got two.

I had four goals for this trip, and they were:

1) H indicates with words, actions or facial expressions that he's happy to see me. (Not met, but maybe I just need to look harder.)

2) H initiates interactions with me - talking, phone calls, emails. (Met - several times, several ways.)

3) H invites me to do something even if just a movie on the couch. (Met - he invited me to breakfast at the D-'s.)

4) H initiates affectionate touch. (Met - a touch on the shoulder and one awesome hug.)

Three outta four ain't bad. In fact, it's pretty darn good!

Next time, I think I need to set some goals for things *I* will do as well. This trip I concentrated on raising the level in his love buckets, and I think I did an excellent job. He even got all warm and gooey toward me at times. Note to self: those are NOT times to push. Just let him experience the gooeyness and marvel at it. Let it sink in. If I push then, he will feel pressured and decide I have ulterior motives.